shuttdogg Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon cavemen were posting on walls before it was cool
←Rate | 09-30-2011 15:56 by shuttdogg Comments (0)  

   messageicon Facebook would be way cooler if it was on t.v. : "In other news Brian's ex-girlfriend is still a cold, heartless b!tch. Details at 11".
←Rate | 02-24-2012 02:02 by shuttdogg Comments (0)  

   messageicon febreeze- because your house smells like weed and your parents will be home any minute.
←Rate | 02-28-2012 21:00 by shuttdogg Comments (0)  

   messageicon What Would Dexter Do?
←Rate | 07-05-2011 15:56 by Shuttdogg Comments (0)  

   messageicon Congratulations!! You are the 100th person to view my status. To see your prize please click Control + W.
←Rate | 07-10-2011 17:27 by Shuttdogg Comments (0)  

   messageicon just got college letters from the marines, navy, army and coast gaurd. Well obviously somebody has been watching me play Call Of Duty...
←Rate | 02-08-2012 17:37 by shuttdogg Comments (0)  

   messageicon My girlfriend said bringing toys into the bedroom would spice up our sex lives... So I double fisted her with a set of Hulk Hands.
←Rate | 03-09-2012 14:51 by shuttdogg Comments (0)  

   messageicon I used to be a looker when I was younger. Or a peeping Tom as the girls used to call me
←Rate | 02-05-2012 17:07 by shuttdogg Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you are that a$$hole that honks the second the light turns green , I'm the sumb1tch that will sit there and update my Facebook.
←Rate | 06-30-2011 00:07 by Shuttdogg Comments (0)  

   messageicon Next time someone asks you who pissed in your cheerios. Tell them I did it.
←Rate | 05-30-2011 23:50 by Shuttdogg Comments (0)  

   messageicon I recently took up meditation. It beats sitting around doing nothing.
←Rate | 11-10-2011 01:15 by shuttdogg Comments (0)  

   messageicon I say: Ron Jeremy for President..."You're gonna get screwed anyway, might as well get screwed by a pro.
←Rate | 03-09-2012 14:49 by shuttdogg Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I get multiple friend requests on MySpace, my pager goes crazy.
←Rate | 07-22-2011 23:19 by Shuttdogg Comments (0)  

   messageicon My wife told me she was going to leave me if I didn't quit making Linkin Park references. Slightly concerned, but in the end it doesn't even matter
←Rate | 10-14-2011 01:10 by shuttdogg Comments (0)  

   messageicon To do list: 1. Poop. 2. I can't do anything until I poop.
←Rate | 06-22-2011 23:33 by Shuttdogg Comments (0)  

   messageicon Things I don't like: 1) Probably you. 2) Cold coffee. 3) Small talk. 4) Mondays. 5) Having small talk with you on a Monday while my coffee is getting cold.
←Rate | 03-06-2012 14:12 by shuttdogg Comments (1)  

   messageicon ____ is thankful that I don't have a "swear jar" today. That son-of-a-b!tch would be filled right to the top.
←Rate | 07-27-2011 23:00 by Shuttdogg Comments (0)  

   messageicon This fake headache sure feels like me leaving work early. 
←Rate | 08-06-2011 01:21 by Shuttdogg Comments (0)  

   messageicon Are they selling Tapout shirts by the pound now? That, or all these chubby kids in the mall actually ARE cage fighters...
←Rate | 08-14-2011 17:41 by Shuttdogg Comments (0)  

   messageicon I can't believe the plural of moose isn't meese
←Rate | 06-22-2011 23:36 by Shuttdogg Comments (0)  


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