bob Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon I’m really liking this social distancing rule. Can we make this law?
←Rate | 03-18-2020 08:56 by Bob Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's really cold out there folks. If you're heading out to Walmart, please wear two pairs of pajamas.
←Rate | 01-04-2019 15:48 by Bob Comments (0)  

   messageicon As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I remind myself that you can't always trust Google Maps.
←Rate | 01-05-2019 08:09 by Bob Comments (0)  

   messageicon When the world ends tomorrow, I hope it is after 5:00 pm, because I won't get paid for the holiday if I don't work Friday.
←Rate | 12-20-2012 04:54 by BOB Comments (0)  

   messageicon about to give $$$ to a homeless peddler....until his I-Phone went off.
←Rate | 11-12-2011 11:53 by Bob Comments (0)  

   messageicon The only thing worse than being stuck behind someone driving less than the speed limit is being the passenger of someone driving less than the speed limit.
←Rate | 06-20-2017 05:25 by bob Comments (0)  

   messageicon If the cup is only half full, I suggest buying a smaller bra size.
←Rate | 01-05-2019 10:13 by Bob Comments (2)  

   messageicon Dear world, please don't end till after after my four day weekend is complete. Thank you.
←Rate | 12-20-2012 04:35 by BOB Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Spring Ahead" this weekend for Daylight Saving Time proves there is a much quicker way than Facebook to lose an hour in your life....
←Rate | 03-08-2017 09:49 by bob Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't know how the law of averages works, but you'd think after 25yrs of marriage I'd be right at least once??........bOb
←Rate | 04-08-2016 10:10 by bOb Comments (0)  

   messageicon OMG.... I hate waiting in lines... I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect.
←Rate | 01-05-2019 06:55 by Bob Comments (0)  

   messageicon Some dude is going to be eaten alive by an Anaconda tonite....BIG DEAL...I was eaten alive by a snake years ago and my lawyer got me out. Sucked dry, but free.
←Rate | 12-07-2014 16:49 by Bob Comments (0)  

   messageicon Crap! Still here! Better schedule that colonoscopy,
←Rate | 12-21-2012 18:36 by Bob Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dear Mother Nature: Get off the Vortex aleready.
←Rate | 01-25-2014 17:08 by Bob Comments (0)  

   messageicon I remember when I was younger you use to be able to eat at restaurants.
←Rate | 05-04-2020 16:26 by Bob Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wish these kids would stop crying. I won the Eater egg hunt fair and square.
←Rate | 03-27-2016 19:53 by Bob Comments (0)  

   messageicon if you change your status to "in a relationship", it must last longer than a Kim Kardashian marriage.
←Rate | 02-01-2012 05:25 by Bob Comments (0)  

   messageicon I only got one valentine card, and that was from the wife. I say valentine card, it was actually a death threat. still it's the thought that counts
←Rate | 02-14-2014 10:53 by Bob Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sticks and stones may hurt my bones but names will never hurt me....simple advice to Islamic extremist, but it's hard to reason will those that believe there's a bevy of virgins waiting for them upon death
←Rate | 01-18-2015 08:40 by Bob Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ahh Easter Sunday, when catholics actually go to church then pretend all year they are religious..
←Rate | 04-24-2011 17:09 by Bob Comments (2)  

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