J-Mac Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Not sure what kinda jokes get a laugh in here, but wow - haven't seen one with more likes than unlikes in months - tough crowd these days. I guess it's just a sign of the times....
←Rate | 10-26-2022 00:27 by J-Mac Comments (0)  

   messageicon I felt a great disturbance in the Force within this group - as if a hemorrhoid outbreak of epic proportions suddenly stole the sense of humor from every soul in here, and the likes and laughs were suddenly silenced..... ~Obi-Wan
←Rate | 10-26-2022 00:56 by J-Mac Comments (0)  

   messageicon This new deodorant label said "remove cap and push up bottom". Now my armpits still stink and my buttcheeks burn, but every time I pass gas the room smells like Old Spice...
←Rate | 10-25-2022 23:58 by J-Mac Comments (0)  

   messageicon Costco - the only store you go into for cheap toilet paper and come out with 40 pounds of cheese, 3-dozen muffins, and a 5-gallon bucket of Tide Pods...
←Rate | 10-26-2022 00:11 by J-Mac Comments (0)  

   messageicon At age 90 William Shatner became the oldest person to go to space, when he paid to go on the Blue Origin capsule. I just wanna know if he bought his ticket on Priceline.com....
←Rate | 10-25-2022 23:46 by J-Mac Comments (0)  

   messageicon Cooking Tip #142: If you use a good quality olive oil in a shallow non-stick pan, it will help the Kale to slide off much faster into the garbage can where it belongs....
←Rate | 10-26-2022 00:06 by J-Mac Comments (0)  

   messageicon I was in line at Wal-Mart and the customer in front of me had a perfectly trimmed, full, beautiful mustache, so I commented and paid a kind compliment. Then out of nowhere, she grabbed her purse, gave me a dirty look, and stormed off. Some people.....
←Rate | 10-25-2022 23:37 by J-Mac Comments (0)  

   messageicon All I said to the person in front of me at the grocery store checkout line was "beautiful mustache"...a COMPLIMENT. Then, for no reason at all, she got all angry, gave me a dirty look, grabbed her purse, and walked out....
←Rate | 06-24-2021 02:12 by J-Mac Comments (0)  

   messageicon Thought I'd cook for the wife last night. Got to the part where the recipe said "Now chill in fridge for 1 hour". I could only stand it for like 20 minutes - it was cold and really crowded in there....
←Rate | 07-31-2021 00:55 by J-Mac Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dang, I hope that wasn't something we needed... (me vacuuming the bedroom)
←Rate | 11-02-2022 02:47 by J-Mac Comments (0)  


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