Fazzy Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Mama, don't let your babies grow up to be looters. Because the mamas who let their babies grow up to be cowboys are gonna have them kick your babies' sorry a$$es.
←Rate | 06-01-2020 09:34 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Monday is Memorial Day. I plan on showing my grandsons how to eat corn on the cob typewriter style. The hard part is going to be explaining a typewriter. 🌽
←Rate | 05-20-2020 07:34 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's hard to stay in your lane when your life is an endless multi-lane highway.
←Rate | 05-11-2020 13:27 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Good morning. Okay so money can't buy happiness, but it CAN buy bacon. Close enough.
←Rate | 05-08-2020 10:38 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I randomly changed all the contact names in my phone. However, I can't remember who they actually are. So far today, I've been texted by Willy Wonka, Spongebob Squarepants, Charlie Sheen, Nancy Pelosi and Jerry Springer.
←Rate | 05-08-2020 09:27 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I know that people want to go back to work because they're broke, but there's still a serious virus floating around. I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that being broke is better than being dead.
←Rate | 04-29-2020 11:53 by Fazzy Comments (1)  

   messageicon North Korea leader Kim Jong-un is presumed either dead or in a vegetative state. Most likely Bok Choy.
←Rate | 04-25-2020 15:28 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon You're traveling thru another dimension. A dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. A journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of dough, ricotta and mozzarella. Your next stop, the Twilight Calzone.
←Rate | 04-23-2020 08:29 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Nothing like a game of Twister, that's our motto." - Makers of IcyHot
←Rate | 04-22-2020 18:34 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon They should change the name of our galaxy from the Milky Way to the Snickers. Let's face it, we're all nuts.
←Rate | 04-22-2020 13:31 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon In celebration of Earth Day, I'm just gonna go outside and stare at the ground for a while.
←Rate | 04-22-2020 06:57 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I can't find any masks, gloves, or hand sanitizers. Long story short, I just now paid for the premium version of McAfee antivirus. Let's what happens.
←Rate | 04-05-2020 16:51 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon This isolation thing is going to make Palm Sunday mean something completely different to a lot of people.
←Rate | 04-05-2020 05:41 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I haven't watched this much TV since the "All Day Saturday Cartoon Marathon" when I was 8.
←Rate | 03-31-2020 19:55 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon The Coronavirus has me upset to the point where I've lost weight... 20 lbs total! I have no appetite whatsoever so this thing needs to go away. But not just yet. I want to lose another 30.
←Rate | 03-30-2020 21:35 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Last night I made the last of the dishes on the Huffington Post list of "25 Foods You Have To Eat Before You Die." So I guess this is goodbye.
←Rate | 03-27-2020 07:21 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon All of us are tools to some degree. It's just that some are jackhammers and some are 1/4" nut drivers.
←Rate | 03-25-2020 09:20 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon This isolation was getting to me, so yesterday I decided to go jogging. Big mistake. My thighs kept rubbing together and my legs caught on fire.
←Rate | 03-25-2020 07:54 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I've decided that throughout this Coronavirus ordeal; especially to those at home practicing Social Distancing, the term "calories" regarding all foods shall now be referred to as "Boredom Alleviation Points."
←Rate | 03-19-2020 07:11 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm a magician. An overweight magician. My most famous trick is putting on a Speedo and having it disappear instantly.
←Rate | 03-18-2020 12:23 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

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