Fazzy Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Guilt is simply God's way of letting us know that we're having a real good time.
←Rate | 01-18-2020 21:14 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon As we grow older, gravity becomes more and more evident. Things begin sagging, drooping and bouncing. It's still better than the alternative. No, I don't mean death. I mean f@t going up.
←Rate | 08-27-2020 08:31 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Nothing like a game of Twister, that's our motto." - Makers of IcyHot
←Rate | 04-22-2020 18:34 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon My dog ate an entire bottle of Tums. I freaked out, so I called the veterinarian and asked him what I should do. He goes, "Take him out for Mexican?"
←Rate | 01-17-2020 17:08 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's not that I can't stand people who attend the University of Florida, it's that I can't stand the red-necks who love the Gators.
←Rate | 12-31-2019 11:19 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Monday is Memorial Day. I plan on showing my grandsons how to eat corn on the cob typewriter style. The hard part is going to be explaining a typewriter. šŸŒ½
←Rate | 05-20-2020 07:34 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon "The sum of the carrots are inversely proportional to the squared exponent of the cabbage divided by the vinegar and multiplied by the mayonnaise." ~Cole's Law
←Rate | 05-20-2021 20:48 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hey! Who remembers seeing men on tv ripping phone books in half? Hey! Who remembers phone books? Hey! Who remembers men?
←Rate | 02-03-2021 20:59 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you don't make it in Hip Hop, there's always IHOP.
←Rate | 11-11-2020 17:06 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Okay. So they can make fake meat out of plants. Try really impressing us and make a watermelon out of a London Broil.
←Rate | 09-07-2020 07:22 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon A cross pollinator is a worker bee who asked the queen out on a date, but was told she only liked him as a friend.
←Rate | 02-23-2021 13:11 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Manwich Sloppy Joe Sauce is changing its name to Genderneutralwich.šŸ„«
←Rate | 02-28-2021 12:52 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Super Bowl parties are great! (If you aren't into football.) I'm into football, so no thanks.
←Rate | 02-07-2021 11:04 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon If someone has "some colledge" listed on their education history, the fact that they misspelled "college" is a pretty good indication that "some 3rd grade" is probably a more accurate assessment.
←Rate | 07-03-2020 11:32 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I know that people want to go back to work because they're broke, but there's still a serious virus floating around. I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that being broke is better than being dead.
←Rate | 04-29-2020 11:53 by Fazzy Comments (1)  

   messageicon I randomly changed all the contact names in my phone. However, I can't remember who they actually are. So far today, I've been texted by Willy Wonka, Spongebob Squarepants, Charlie Sheen, Nancy Pelosi and Jerry Springer.
←Rate | 05-08-2020 09:27 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon My idea of surf and turf is salt water taffy served on Easter grass.
←Rate | 02-24-2020 19:33 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon šŸŽµI'm dreaming of a White Castle Just like the ones that we all know Where the square buns glisten and I am wishin' That there's no chunks I'll have to blow šŸŽµ
←Rate | 12-13-2019 05:20 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I often wonder what would have been had John Lennon decided to stay home that night.
←Rate | 11-25-2020 07:15 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Media sensationalism is playing a role in the Coronavirus. Still, the virus is nothing to sneeze about. (See what I did there?)
←Rate | 02-29-2020 11:34 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

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