Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Those who are capable of tyranny are capable of perjury to sustain it.
←Rate | 05-11-2022 00:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you show up at the orgy and it’s actually an intervention.
←Rate | 06-07-2022 02:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There are two kinds of people, the ones who pack six days before a trip, and the ones who wake up the day of and realize they need to do a load of laundry, and then they marry each other.
←Rate | 06-28-2022 23:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When someone is driving like a jerk, so you look to see how dumb they really look.
←Rate | 06-30-2022 00:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You don’t like being treated the way that you treat others? That must really suck.
←Rate | 01-19-2023 04:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Transitions Adaptive Lenses: “Experience life well lit.” Me: Oh, I will.
←Rate | 04-17-2022 00:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If your food blog requires me to read more than two sentences to get to the recipe, I’m ordering a pizza.
←Rate | 04-18-2022 21:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Her body tensed and quivered as she felt wave after wave surge through it. Probably should have warned her about the new electric fence.
←Rate | 04-19-2022 10:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever I hear someone say, “my therapist said,” my ears perk way up. That’s free therapy.
←Rate | 04-21-2022 10:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’m kind of glad dinosaurs are extinct. Pretty sure I’d try to keep one as a pet.
←Rate | 07-04-2022 02:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hope your wife brings a date to your funeral.
←Rate | 01-19-2023 04:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you see someone crying, ask if it’s because of their haircut.
←Rate | 06-07-2022 02:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I sprinkle profanity in every sentence like its parsley.
←Rate | 06-07-2022 02:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon And a step backward, after making a wrong turn, is a step in the right direction
←Rate | 06-26-2022 15:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Keep your relationship fresh by writing each other love notes like, “I considered murdering you whilst ye slumbered in yon bedchambers.”
←Rate | 06-28-2022 23:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you’re in psychology class and you learn about the disorder you have.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 17:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I would call you an idiot, but that would be insulting to idiots.
←Rate | 07-07-2022 00:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Friendship is being there when someone is feeling low and not being afraid to kick them.
←Rate | 07-08-2022 09:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pros and cons of making kids. Pros: making, Cons: kids
←Rate | 05-22-2022 03:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Son: “Dad, there’s a monster in my room, can I sleep in here?” Dad: Look, it’s you he’s after, why make it my problem too.
←Rate | 06-09-2022 01:43 Comments (0)  




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