Fazzy Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I once had a dog who was the best watchdog ever. Well, he WOULDA been if a vacuum cleaner broke into the house.
←Rate | 01-13-2020 03:33 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish all women online were in 3D. That's my apartment #. 3D
←Rate | 01-20-2020 12:22 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you really think about it, "F**k You" is a compliment.
←Rate | 01-22-2020 07:48 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon No disrespect to the Vatican, but the actual first Sunday in Ordinary Time is the first Sunday after the Super Bowl.
←Rate | 01-23-2020 20:41 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I could be a farmer. Except for the dirt, waking up early, milking the cows, slopping the hogs, wearing overalls and planting crops. But I wouldn't mind driving a tractor around.
←Rate | 02-24-2020 06:06 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon At what age do you stop needing deodorants and start smelling like mothballs? (Asking for a friend.)
←Rate | 02-29-2020 06:54 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some people are like bees. They bring honey, but they also sting. šŸ
←Rate | 06-20-2020 20:30 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you want to know how much someone's opinion is worth, try paying your bills with them.
←Rate | 07-07-2020 07:35 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon The good old days are in the past, yet the memories are alive in the present.
←Rate | 11-22-2020 19:33 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon The eyes are the window to the soul. The mouth is the window to the esophagus. (Sorry. I'm anticipating Thanksgiving dinner.)
←Rate | 11-25-2020 17:14 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some would call me a "Foodie", but that definition is too refined. I'm more along the lines of a glutton.
←Rate | 02-13-2021 13:49 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Daylight Saving Time. Where we lose an hour of eating.
←Rate | 03-14-2021 08:56 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Anne, I had to quit my profession as a gynecologist. I got tunnel vision.
←Rate | 03-26-2021 11:49 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon People need to stop hiding behind the cloak of religious dogma and simply focus on becoming a better person.
←Rate | 02-07-2022 08:11 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Q. What's in the toilet of the USS Enterprise? A. The Captain's log.
←Rate | 06-03-2020 08:03 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I know Iā€™m no longer a kid, but I still hold out in the childlike hope that some day money will fall out of the sky. At least enough money to buy a Three Musketeers bar and some wax lips from 7-Eleven.
←Rate | 12-12-2019 10:36 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon The art of thinking can be a likened to a wonderful journey... as long as you begin it with a full tank of gas.
←Rate | 01-16-2020 06:58 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I went to confession last week. Things in my life have apparently gotten way out of hand, and I mean WAY out. For my penance, the priest gave me 3 Hail Marys, 3 Our Fathers and a Crucifixion.
←Rate | 01-22-2020 15:54 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon My goal for the remainder of the first half of 2020 is to get roughly 30 lbs lighter than the weight I lied about on my drivers license.
←Rate | 02-22-2020 09:28 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm so used to ending phone calls with family and friends by saying "I love you", that I accidentally said it to the female agent at Spectrum. Anyway, she gave me 6 months of free internet and HBO.
←Rate | 03-15-2020 07:07 by Fazzy Comments (0)  




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