hiyourjon Funny Status Messages

   "good goin' there einstein" "yeah way to go, einstein!" "nice move, einstein!" - the Einstein family reunion annual softball game

   Shooting pool and darts are just sports for alcoholics.

   Microsoft really can't count. Windows 95, 98, 2000, 7. Xbox, Xbox 360, Xbox 1.

   In a stunning display of maturity, Kid Rock announces he is changing his name to Adult Contemporary.

   Next time your sit at a McDonald's playland and a parent asks you, "Which one is yours?" Say, "I haven’t picked one out yet!" It's worth it.

   why is there Head & Shoulders shampoo. who has hair on their shoulders. whos shampooing their shoulder hair. please come forward

   Pro tip: "Hold my drink" is not a proper response to "License and registration, please." ...... apparently.

   The worst part about being stoned at work is realizing it's your day off.

   There are two rules for success.. 1. Never reveal everything you know

   It's like Batman didn't even care about crime in the cities surrounding Gotham.

   On a scale from 1 to dyslexic, how 10 am I?

   "No thanks, I'm vegetarian" is a fun thing to say when someone tries to hand you their baby.

   A frat house installs a retractible ceiling. “We just can't get enough Natural Light,” says its president. They hi-five for 6 straight hours

   Maybe Tom Cruise isn’t gay and is just a really good actor.

   Next time your at your friends house steal his remote control. Every so often drive by his house and change the channell on his TV.

   My favorite hobby is to add my neighbors' wireless printer to my PC and print a document that says I'M INSIDE YOUR HOUSE AND COMING FOR YOU.

   Next time your at McDonald’s, point at the menu & say you’ll have a McSpaghetti w/ garlic bread. The look on cashiers face will be priceless

   People are like snowflakes. I only like them on Christmas.

   I put the "semen" in "amusement park". And that is why I am no longer welcome at Six Flags.

   There is no life on earth without water. Because without water, there is no beer. And without beer, I'll kill you all.