Mickey Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Groundhog Day and State of the Union address will occur on the same date. This is an ironic event. One involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to an insignificant creature of little intelligence. The other's a groundh
←Rate | 01-02-2013 13:31 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon When someone posts this: "Last year was wonderful....this year has been pretty awesome too! Can't stop smiling...bring it on!" It actually means: "I didn't do j@ck $hit."
←Rate | 01-01-2013 09:45 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon The meteorologist on the news gives the forecast then says, "People don't know the difference between weather and climate." Yes I do: "Oh look, a ladder I don't know weather I should walk under it or climate." See? Told you.
←Rate | 12-31-2012 16:22 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon I once stayed at an Amish Motel 6. They would have left the light on for me if they had one.
←Rate | 12-30-2012 08:20 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm watching The Alamo Bowl on ESPN. My main concern isn't who wins, my main concern is if I'll remember it.
←Rate | 12-29-2012 19:40 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon Get me an alligator sandwich, and make it snappy!
←Rate | 12-29-2012 15:28 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon Christmas is over. We now return to our regularly scheduled self centered lives already in progress.
←Rate | 12-25-2012 19:24 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon Some people suffered in their youth which helped them succeed later in life. For example, if Bill Gates had gotten l@id in high school, there would have been no Microsoft.
←Rate | 12-23-2012 20:36 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon I haven't had a cigarette in 11 months. Did it on my own. My mom is trying to quit but couldn't do it by herself so she went to a hypnotist. She still smokes, but thinks she's a chicken.
←Rate | 12-23-2012 19:48 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon In these economic hard times, I always do what it takes to get my money's worth. Like yesterday. I went to the Dental Hygienist and ate a box of Oreos in the waiting room before going in.
←Rate | 12-23-2012 10:10 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon I was notified that I've been chosen to be the new "Adam" on Mars. They've selected an Eve. I hope to G0d she remembers to bring the snake and the apple.
←Rate | 12-11-2012 21:48 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon 20 minutes later, and I can't remember who I "sanded my wood" to. I have to find better imaginary girlfriends.
←Rate | 12-06-2012 07:43 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon Choosing someone based on their looks, is like picking a Christmas gift based on the wrapping paper.
←Rate | 12-05-2012 08:45 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon I went to the movies to see "Lincoln". The only thing they had at the snack bar were waffles and Log Cabin Syrup.
←Rate | 12-01-2012 19:19 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon I was really counting on winning the Powerball. I was also counting on getting run over by a bus driven by a bear.
←Rate | 11-29-2012 07:03 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon I guess all the leftover Thanksgiving dinner stuff is gone that was in the fridge. I'm telling everyone I quit cold turkey.
←Rate | 11-28-2012 07:17 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon Tagged Photos-Rule #1: The hottest girl in the pic is the one not tagged.
←Rate | 11-08-2012 10:15 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I was born, the day I was brought home form the hospital my parents put up a sign on my bedroom door: "Checkout Time 18 Years"
←Rate | 11-06-2012 07:07 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon Men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color and we have no idea what mauve is.
←Rate | 11-05-2012 16:39 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm so sorry. I didn't see you there. And after all this time no less. I wasn't ignoring you, you simply don't matter that much anymore. Please forgive me, yet my feelings will remain unchanged, Myspace phone app.
←Rate | 10-30-2012 17:23 by Mickey Comments (0)  

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