Fazzy Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon There's no way I'm ever eating Thanksgiving leftovers again straight out of the fridge. Yes, that's right. I quit cold turkey.
←Rate | 11-27-2020 09:23 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hey, I ain't bragging, but pretty much every pot I've ever watched has boiled.
←Rate | 01-27-2020 08:00 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Who's the most popular guy at the nudist camp? The one carrying two pots of coffee and a dozen donuts.
←Rate | 03-07-2020 20:05 by Fazzy Comments (1)  

   messageicon Mother Nature gave man a set of balls solely to propagate the species. God gave man a set of balls solely for scratching.
←Rate | 11-18-2020 22:14 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Which Thanksgiving Day parade doesn't have Jimmy Fallon hot-dogging all over the place? Asking for a frien ... me.
←Rate | 11-26-2020 08:48 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Q. What's in the toilet of the USS Enterprise? A. The Captain's log.
←Rate | 06-03-2020 08:03 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'll tell you. White privilege didn't exist in the high school Phys. Ed. locker room when the bIack guys were around.
←Rate | 07-08-2020 14:18 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm trying to figure out why you're mad at me for not wearing a mask. Does the one you're wearing not work?
←Rate | 07-07-2020 07:38 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I could be a farmer. Except for the dirt, waking up early, milking the cows, slopping the hogs, wearing overalls and planting crops. But I wouldn't mind driving a tractor around.
←Rate | 02-24-2020 06:06 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon The eyes are the window to the soul. The mouth is the window to the esophagus. (Sorry. I'm anticipating Thanksgiving dinner.)
←Rate | 11-25-2020 17:14 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Some would call me a "Foodie", but that definition is too refined. I'm more along the lines of a glutton.
←Rate | 02-13-2021 13:49 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I know Iā€™m no longer a kid, but I still hold out in the childlike hope that some day money will fall out of the sky. At least enough money to buy a Three Musketeers bar and some wax lips from 7-Eleven.
←Rate | 12-12-2019 10:36 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I went to confession last week. Things in my life have apparently gotten way out of hand, and I mean WAY out. For my penance, the priest gave me 3 Hail Marys, 3 Our Fathers and a Crucifixion.
←Rate | 01-22-2020 15:54 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm so used to ending phone calls with family and friends by saying "I love you", that I accidentally said it to the female agent at Spectrum. Anyway, she gave me 6 months of free internet and HBO.
←Rate | 03-15-2020 07:07 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm a magician. An overweight magician. My most famous trick is putting on a Speedo and having it disappear instantly.
←Rate | 03-18-2020 12:23 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I got an air fryer because it's healthier. Of course along with my air fried pork chops I had 5 lbs of mashed potatoes with a stick of butter and a Key Lime Pie for dessert.
←Rate | 03-08-2020 13:37 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I know some surfer chicks who started a prostitution ring. They call themselves the Wavy Lays.
←Rate | 12-24-2020 14:50 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Columbus Day is one thing, but I'm still upset about my personal holiday. No, not my Birthday. I'm talking about Fat Tuesday. šŸ˜›
←Rate | 10-12-2020 09:08 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm giving up organized religion for Lent.
←Rate | 02-26-2020 07:31 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon One of the most cherished memories of Christmastime at my house when I was a kid was my mom putting out even more towels that I wasn't allowed to use.
←Rate | 12-20-2020 11:25 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

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