Fazzy Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Due to all that's happened so far this year, I have no choice but to deduct 2 stars from my original TripAdvisor review of Earth.
←Rate | 08-13-2020 09:53 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I first noticed you from across the room, I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life avoiding you.
←Rate | 08-14-2020 06:15 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Attention! Due to the extremity of Hurricane Laura's sustained winds, the States of Texas and Louisiana have just issued a toupee' alert.
←Rate | 08-26-2020 23:04 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon As we grow older, gravity becomes more and more evident. Things begin sagging, drooping and bouncing. It's still better than the alternative. No, I don't mean death. I mean f@t going up.
←Rate | 08-27-2020 08:31 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Being old is like being young. When ur young, you have to wait after you eat to go swimming. When you're old, you have to wait after you take Viagra to have sex. Either way, you have to wait an hour before you can go for a "dip."
←Rate | 08-28-2020 08:52 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I've been at a hotel in Tampa for a few days. I like playing tricks on the maid. You know that paper band that comes wrapped around the toilet seat? Before I leave, I put it back on. Yesterday, she left me a bowl o
←Rate | 09-01-2020 11:11 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon The biggest problem in society today is that there is an entire generation of younger people that have never been punched in the face.
←Rate | 09-02-2020 08:30 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Betting on the Kentucky Derby is like paying for a hooker. You drop a load of cash on two minutes of excitement.
←Rate | 09-05-2020 08:46 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I applied for a job at Bed Bath & Beyond. They put me in the Beyond department.
←Rate | 09-06-2020 16:30 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Okay. So they can make fake meat out of plants. Try really impressing us and make a watermelon out of a London Broil.
←Rate | 09-07-2020 07:22 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I replaced se× with food. Now I can't even get in my own pants.
←Rate | 09-07-2020 07:25 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon The gender reveal device that started those fires in California must've said the kid was gonna be a flamer.
←Rate | 09-07-2020 19:03 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon The human mind and spirit seek answers revealed in truth, yet ultimately find little more than contradictions, falsehoods and lies.
←Rate | 09-12-2020 20:48 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Friend: Don't worry, there are plenty of fish in the sea.... Me: Yeah, that and crabs.
←Rate | 09-13-2020 08:17 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I was a kid, people often said that I was the "little engine that could." Turns out that I'm the "big old caboose that couldn't."
←Rate | 09-26-2020 16:19 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon It doesn't matter who wins the Presidency. The entire world's zeitgeist (the spirit of the age) is going through a tumultuous change, and no man or group possesses the power to affect it.
←Rate | 10-02-2020 05:59 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Kamala Harris looked like a smug litigant on Judge Judy being sued by her landlord for not paying rent; claiming it was a gift.
←Rate | 10-08-2020 06:56 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon In this world, there are beings who consider you their universe. Okay, they're dust mites and they live on your eyebrows, but so?
←Rate | 10-10-2020 23:07 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Columbus Day is one thing, but I'm still upset about my personal holiday. No, not my Birthday. I'm talking about Fat Tuesday. 😛
←Rate | 10-12-2020 09:08 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I was on the phone earlier with a friend in upstate New York. We touched on the weather. She said, "It's wet, gloomy and mostly in the 40's. I said that sounds like my sƐx life.
←Rate | 10-13-2020 17:11 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

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