Fazzy Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Me to my son: "Hey, look at this article. It says, 'Vaccines are ready to roll, thanks to beeyotch." My son: "That word is 'biotech', dad."
←Rate | 12-02-2020 07:57 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Stay tuned, folks... it's getting close to my, "It's a New Year, It's A New Me" delusional time again.
←Rate | 12-14-2019 10:36 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon How in the world can I make wise life choices when I still use my fingers to add, sing the alphabet to see which letter comes next and think that BBQ potato chips are actually cooked on a BBQ?
←Rate | 12-12-2019 06:21 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Divorce Log 2006: My ex had her credit card stolen, but I didn't report it. The person who stole it used it less than she did.
←Rate | 12-31-2019 06:05 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm sick of people contradicting me when I insist that there IS such a thing as an emotional support lasagna.
←Rate | 01-06-2020 06:18 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hey, I ain't bragging, but pretty much every pot I've ever watched has boiled.
←Rate | 01-27-2020 08:00 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hooters is not closing per se. It's going strictly delivery. It's changing its name to "Knockers"...
←Rate | 02-15-2020 23:44 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Who's the most popular guy at the nudist camp? The one carrying two pots of coffee and a dozen donuts.
←Rate | 03-07-2020 20:05 by Fazzy Comments (1)  

   messageicon Virus or no virus, cruises hold no appeal for me. It's akin to a 5 star house arrest that's centered around overeating, which I can do quite well in the comfort of my own home.
←Rate | 03-08-2020 10:18 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm saying this before the 12th day of Christmas even arrives. I'm keeping the 8 maids a milking and the 9 ladies dancing. That's it Everything else is going back to Walmart.
←Rate | 12-23-2019 01:05 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Friend: Don't worry, there are plenty of fish in the sea.... Me: Yeah, that and crabs.
←Rate | 09-13-2020 08:17 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Mother Nature gave man a set of balls solely to propagate the species. God gave man a set of balls solely for scratching.
←Rate | 11-18-2020 22:14 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon "I am the way, the truth and the lasagna." - Cheeses of Nazareth
←Rate | 12-11-2019 05:10 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Which Thanksgiving Day parade doesn't have Jimmy Fallon hot-dogging all over the place? Asking for a frien ... me.
←Rate | 11-26-2020 08:48 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Everyone's up in arms over Pepe LePew romancing a cat. Newsflash: Most men are skunks and we romance pu$$y. Same difference. And I can promise you that trait isn't learned from a cartoon.
←Rate | 03-14-2021 16:54 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'll tell you. White privilege didn't exist in the high school Phys. Ed. locker room when the bIack guys were around.
←Rate | 07-08-2020 14:18 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm trying to figure out why you're mad at me for not wearing a mask. Does the one you're wearing not work?
←Rate | 07-07-2020 07:38 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon The Day After Christmas Menu: Breakfast: Leftover lasagna. Lunch: Leftover lasagna. Dinner: Leftover lasagna. Dessert: Leftover lasagna. Beverage: Lasagna shake.
←Rate | 12-25-2019 20:21 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon New Year's Resolution: Date more hot women. Amended: Date more. Amended: Get a date. Amended: Stop crying while taking cold showers.
←Rate | 01-02-2020 05:41 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon It finally dawned on me why I was bad at math. I noticed during school lunch that my sandwiches were only cut in half. The smart kids' sandwiches were cut into trapezoids and parallelograms.
←Rate | 01-08-2020 17:16 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

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