Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Since it's Hump Day Wednesday, rather than have my usual can of Redbull, I'll try Redbone, "She'll give me brain"

   Texting + Facebook = Textbook.. so I'm studying right?

   You ever let one loose and it was too late? I just farted and didnt see the midget standing next to me.....

   I think "tax cheat" is too harsh of a term....I like to think of myself as "Tax mathematically challenged"

   Two-words. Not Divorce, instead...Pre-Nuptial, it's an agreement. So is Marriage. And marriages don't last. No Fault.

   the abbreviation curse will haunt me for ever. Yesterday my friend asked me what I was sucking and I just laughed out loud and said "lipop"

   When the zombie apocalypse hits, I know EXACTLY who I'm tripping first.

   hey lady, why don't you undress and show us your talent?

   my dog's favorite food is a peanut butter popsicle!

   The day I bother to care who doesn't like me around here as opposed to enjoying those who do... is the day I'll kill myself.

   In this worldline, the lanisters are all dead. The current state of the economy proves it, no one is paying their debts.

   Looks like lil wayne had another seizure.....Maybe she shouldnt be hating on the Miami Heat. Cuz that's when it all started...

   Girl, you must be a terrorist cause you're making my package suspicious.

   I wish that I could put my status to what I am really thinking…

   Audley Harrison has announced he's to come out of retirement after managing to knock out a w*nk.

   Walk up in the club like "what's the wifi password here?"

   If you are going to speak bad things about me on my back, come to me. I'll tell you more.

   I made my bed, I've failed countless of times by not taking any seats. But I will surely get out my bed every morning and try again, cuz failing is a stepping stone to success. Failure, is not falling down of the bed; but remaining where you have fallen.

   I was going to post a picture of the beautiful sunrise this morning but I forgot I'm a lazy sob...

   If there is a draw on ITV's Splash, it will go into sudden death. Michael Barrymore will host. (What, too soon?)