Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   My wife as not spoke to me for the past three days since our fight. That saying silence is golden is so true.

   That was terrible. For next year's INTERNATIONAL Women's Day, you should only tweet if you have at least TWO citizenships

   When my time comes, I’m going to make a death-bed vow that no grass will grow over my grave for 100 years just to see if I can pull it off.

   Switching off my mother inlaw's life support machine was very difficult. I had to fight off a doctor, a nurse and two security guards. Beeeeeeeep

   I was promised a bigger paycheck! Not in size!!!!!

   Back in our days a Teacher leaving the class for a few minutes was the original Harlem Shake

   What the heck is Pizzagate? In any case it makes me hungry, I'll have mine with anchovies.

   I wish I loved anything as much as yankees love fireworks. #nojobbutcanaffordfireworks

   No thanks on the street corner baskets for Valentines Day. Just put those $10 on a chipotle card.

   Life lesson: If you run out of Vicks vapor rub, never place IcyHot in your nose in place of it or it will make you scream in pain. #thingsthatmakeyouscreaminpain

   Woke up this morning with a wine glass in my hand, Whose wine, What wine? Where the H3LL did I dine? .... Awe who cares ... it was free!

   Bet you've never been at a party the cops have shown up to where Raffi's Bananaphone was the jam playing.

   The worst part about trying to kill a fly in your house is when it starts to mock you.

   Kevin Durant will still hear chants of MVP every night, they just won't be for him...

   I credit my dad for my sense of humor..... Oh,. She's funny, too?.......... Ummm,,No......

   New Neighborhood Game: Passively aggressively cut your lawn two inches shorter than your neighbors until you reach dirt.

   how.... how do you get sold out... of having no mayo????

   Darn it's cold outside!.....which I just thought I'd post for those of you who haven't been outside lately.

   STACY mom, wife, teacher. Also a lying actress.

   I'm not trying to talk out of turn or anything here about the coronavirus BUT, have they tried it with a lime?