Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
Who are we? ... men What do we want?... anything that's left over honey When do we want it? I'll take it myself honey. 
Don't you hate when you rush to the bathroom and the lady in the next stall won't share the TP?!?!?!
may the 4ththe be with you, for tommorow is the revenge. of the 5yth
Going to the stores and hiding nuggets of weed in nutcracker mouths is how I like to unleash social entropy during this time of year.
Ever wake up to an alarm and hit the alarm clock and the sound doesn't shut off...so you keep smacking it and just before you throw it against the wall you realize that it is your phone? That was me yesterday...
I'm Too Lazy, I Need Motivation!
I'm here to chew bubble gum and kick some a$$. And looks like I'm all out of bubble gum.
Them gas prices going down like White girls in a college town!
A shooting star makes a wish when it sees me.
Ya you and 103 other creepers like that photo too!!!
going to the ventriloquist show tonight. My roof lamp told me that.
hey were dudes it's Sunday and our teams are playing, were gonna talk about football, you wanna make a good wife one day then get used to it
planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now he doesn't know what to feed it.
just realized if you take a glow stick and tie a piece of dental floss on the end , it looks like a radioactive tampon! Or what my ex girlfriend's might look like now!
was just Donkey Punched
Happy Birthday Adolf Hitler! Don't forget to party with 70 virgins and Bin Laden!
God created r acism when he decided to create different r aces.
You fell sad because you didn't have a Valentine on Valentine's Day? Some people don't have a mom on Mother's Day or a dad on Father's Day so shut up.
Just been to the gym for the 5th time in a week, and people are saying things like "well done!", "that's so impressive!", and "you can't come in here just to use the vending machine
it strange how saying sentences backwards creates backwards sentences saying how strange it is? 