Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Safe word? It's more likely that you will need a white flag

   I hope you enjoyed our orgy; please come again.

   keep the conversation on my post going,but be sure I'll be deleting it when ts on the climax

   Son why did you draw a dinosaur with a machine gun? First off, they can't shoot guns. And secondly, This rules,,, I'm calling the museum

   When you're dead, it's really, really, easy for you.....I mean you don't know,,,,it's just hard on others...same thing when you're stupid....

   I miss being the age when I thought I would have my shyt together by the time I was the age I am now!

   The main motives of stalks and serial killers are Visionary, Mission-oriented, Lust, Thrill, Comfort (profit), Power, and Media.

   Hey Kanye, We might get another Kim Kardashian after Oscar Pistorius's trial.

   Ladies, if your man compliments you on your new hairdo. You've a girlfriend.

   And reason number one Why you should not put your daughter in basketball..... someone in the basketball world will refer to her as a great ball handler and then the fight begins.

   Don't spoil the Moment by getting busy in taking selfies for Facebook and instagram.

   in the words of our dear beloved and departed, Mother Theresa - “these hoes ain’t loyal”

   This vacation ain't nothing to write home about.

   Kanye West is being sued by a woman who claims to have given birth to his love child. Kanye took it all in stride, however, since he has a history of being in "arrears" with other women

   It's a little difficult to fully immerse yourself in a band called "I hate myself" when hmv is blasting pharrels "happy" over the sound system.

   that a 1TB flash drive in your pants or are you just happy to see me?

   Got my Soap & Shampoo and am patiently awaiting the meteor shower.

   Sometimes we fight because we have to , there is no other option. There is morally no other option There is a dignity in the struggle , which helps us understand our own identity.

   All Jack and no work, makes Jill a nymphomaniac.

   some guys are such sluts I wouldn't even poke them on Facebook.