Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The IRS started the post ya kids challenge so they can verify y’all dependents 🥴‼️

   If free speech is such a great thing, then why did God tell us "thou shall not lie"?

   america just had a big brain fart. oups it's america they just have farts no brain!!

   Happy VD to all you young lovers out there,,,!!!💜

   If April showers bring may flowers. What does mayflowers bring? Pilgrims

   Just cut myself shaving in the shower. Lost at least 2 pints of Tequila.

   Lonely, Sober and Miserable sound like the same sh*t to me.

   Practising my breast stroke, so if I ever get a girlfriend I dont do it wrong...

   The strike must be over...the past few days have produced many laughs. Welcome back and thank goodness!

   Next Saturday is Small Business Saturday. AKA local liquor store Saturday.

   Faffing: The excessive use of time for nonsense activities....Faffometer: A device or means for measuring the amount of time spent faffing around (as I am doing when writing this entry)

   Feeling sad is better than not feeling at all. unless you into your feelings....

   LOOK MA! NO CHASER!

   my science teacher said living things are made up of cells so why don't we call our lovers our "cell mates"?

   Am I crazy or a ...?!

   Lady GaGa had no idea what she was doing when she asked R. Kelly to "do what you want with my body"... Psssssssss

   Happy Halloween! Bring on the booze!!

   If a room is spinning, it doesn't mean the world revolves around you... you may have just had too much to drink....

   I'm thinking about having children. Does anyone have a good recipe?

   She said she wanted to talk so I let Jesus take the wheel and jump into traffic.