Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Make friends with your hormones. They're what make you colorful and unpredictable.

   damn wish I didnt take things to literally all the time went to friendly's and the waitress asked if I would like a happy ending

   dropped it like it's hot BUT before it even hit the ground....caught it like a cold...WHAT ARE THE ODDS?

   If companies embedded subliminal messages in the code for solitaire and angry birds, productivity would go through the roof.

   the weatherman is predicting some frosted flakes in the morning...he better mean breakfast

   You know it's gonna be a long day when you're at DD drive-thru, getting aggrevated that it's taking so long for some to take your order, only to realize that you're waiting in front of the trash barrel..

   Why do people reply to me in other languages? I don't know wtf you're saying. I only speak three languages: English, Parseltounge

   after so much studying , he is going to PASS his BAR tonight!

   wonders why celebrities are so down with getting their pictures taken with them and their kids, yet you give them a relity show and the show revolves around their kids...

   A freak can easily spot a freak even when proffesional business white collar attire

   Wait a couple minutes before you bite into a hotdog that just came out the microwave.

   I like to think I'm an Edward, a really gay British Edward.

   no clue what to do without some glue to sniff

   How can you have YOLO Sundays, every Sunday??? some of these club promoters need to get a marketing class!

   t's not about dieting, it's changing eating habits forever. — Chaz Bono

   If you can't handle me on Facebook then you definitely don't deserve me at my best! Wait...this is my best!!! Guys, please love me.

   I want to admit my mistakes, but people might think that I'm and idiot.

   news says ,Bcos of Michael Douglas, lots of guys visititing cancer checking centers lol...Thanks, Michael Douglas

   PS4, brought to you by the same folks that brought the phrase root kit to our vocabulary

   For those girls who aint shaved.......I'm perfecting a new perfume called "Forever Alone".... It smells like Carnival Cruise Line on Fire!