Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   A bisexual Is someone that likes Girls as much as the next Guy

   Our Parents Spend half Our Lives Trying to get us to Stand up and talk now they 0nly want to see you sit down and shut up

   Bear Grylls. His name is what he eats... and how he cooks it.

   Lord loves a workin' man; don't trust whitey; see a doctor and get rid of it.

   out making some changes in hisher life...leave a message and I'll get back yo you. if I don't return your message your one of the changes!

   Should've Driven to New York in my Toyota to see Puxotony Phil

   out making some changes in hisher life...leave a message and I'll get back yo you. if I don't return your message your one of the changes!

   good girls go to heaven , Bad girls go everywhere!

   I am cornhoolio, I make peepee from my bunghole

   bubblewrap under his bedsheets, so during the "Heat of Passion" it sounds like FIREWORKS going off!

   Most folks are carbon copies of their indoctrination, education, organized religion and politically correct propaganda. Some of us "Independent Thinkers" walk our own unique path of discovery, simultaneously emanating a vibration to source and truth.

   your just pissed because its NOT ILLEGAL TO BE WHITE...YET

   What do you call an Ethiopian with a feather up his ass? A dart.

   What do you get when you cross a retard with a gang banger? Someone who spray paints on a chain link fence.

   As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two...

   Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200 and a substantial tax cut save you 30 cents?

   Every morning, I get up and look through the 'Forbes' list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work

   The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house

   In a recent survey into blow jobs, and why men like them so much 6% liked the feeling, 12% liked the excitement and 82% just like the peace and quiet.

   If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button