Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   very rich

   ♫ Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame... What? Oh, no, no, no... go on. I was listening.

   Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

   * Like rainy days and mondays he always gets me down.

   FML!.....oh wait not M, I meant Y.....FYL!!! haha, jk

   Dont Ask Don't Tell policy is no more in the U.S. Military Time for a party I'll bring the beer you bring the rear

   I took the Mrs to the doctor's as she had a golf ball stuck up her arse. He said" f*ck me, that's up a fairway"!

   How do you make a woman blind?.... Stick a car windscreen in front of the b!tch.

   CREDULOUS FUNFACT: This May is the first month in 422 years to contain SIX Saturdays.

   Pepsi is coming up with Michael Jackson cans in the USA.....In a totally un-related News- Pakistan is coming up with Osama Bin Laden Hookas!....Smoke Away my friends!!!! :)

   (-_(-_(-_(*-_-)_-)_-) (>^_^)> }¡{ Dammiit Dude quit chasing that butterfly & get back over here

   I am fat because of those stupid starving kids in China.

   Was I supposed to write something here?

   People that say the last word in this sentence is my bugaboo.

   Apple is announcing today that they are coming out with a new line of products for pets. The first is for dachsunds. It's called : I touch weiners

   I Once seen an eskimo pee ice cubes...

   What do you get when you put 50 lawyers in a room with 50 lesbians? One hundred c*nts who don't do c*ck.

   Ok now seriously somebody should reeally! 'engineer the electricals' now!

   Sunday night Football on NBC, Al thinks Chris is as gay as can be

   Hi. You haven't seen me much lately. I have a new boyfriend. The one from before who I caught with another girl. But I took him back. So there, h8ers!