Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   wondering why they don't simply cover the oil spill with a HUGE portion of kitty litter.

   Women should just shut up and listen to and do what men say!!

   If you don't grab your girls booty at least 46 times a day, you're living life all wrong.

   Your so fat you look like you deep fry your hands before you bite your finger nails LoL

   just gave the dollar to a cover for a bar with which I just did cocaine with

   Walmart won't sell guns to anyone under 21. So if you're 21 or older and angry..... Come on down.

   What to confuse Hellen Keller ? give her a basketball and tell her to read it

   that pirates are better than ninjas

   My kids won’t stop bugging me for an in-ground pool so tonight we’re watching Poltergeist.

   So she said, "I'd like to have dinner again if you would like to." And I said, "Can we do it another time? I'm full."

   "How much do you spend on wine?" Me: about 30 minutes

   Santa Claus is jolly because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

   The best way to honor a poor soul who got shot by cops is to smash store windows to get your new Flat Screens and new iPhone 12's

   Dear Vatican, Two words: POPRAH WINFREY.....think about it.

   . I'm going to start an exercise class that mixes religion into the experience. I'll call it...Pontius Pilates. (insert Dr. Evil pinky in corner of mouth move here)

   Here is one I bet you don't know. If you say the word "gullible" slow enough, it'll sound like "oranges"

   im going to steal my Brothers mushrooms and eat them so I can grow bigger like Mario!

   Labor day this year has been canceled, because people that are with out jobs have forgotten what it's like to have to go to work.

   arnold schwarzenegger's new movie coming up and its called "Total snow-fall"

   Never bring a spoon to a spork fight ツ