Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Do you know what happens to little boys who continually interrupt? They grow up and make a fortune doing TV commercials.

   You can fight a lot of enemies and survive, but if you fight your biology, you always lose.

   The Cavaliers owner was overheard muttering to himself, "If I can't have LeBron, no one can."

   I can't believe it, just when I moved to a nice neighbourhood away from all the theft and gun crime, they've gone and invented the houses that were too close.

   meteor showering with Axe shower gel.

   going crazy. Wanna join?

   if you cant solve life's problems try Ctrl + Alt + Del

   Fighting cavaties. :)

   my girlfriend is driving me round the bend and daughter is sending me up the wall so if anyone needs me look for me on the neighbours roof ;)

   Some Guy told me he had 6 pack abs but there was this thing covering them kinda jelly like. I said its called Fat!

   In Order to get the handsome prince, you have to kiss a lot of toads.

   Has a date with Mr. Hangover today, she wishes her friends would just let her be single and stop trying to play matchmaker!!!!

   I just noticed that all the girls I've ever been with all had one major thing in common.. 10's become 2's on day 2."

   Tom Anderson uses Facebook so I wonder if Mark Zuckerberg uses Google+

   just saw an over-ally fat man enter a smart car, and I could of sworn I heard the engine scream for help!

   the only "kony" I'm supporting is the one that goes in my mouth.

   Studies confirm that caffeine withdrawal (for me) can be fatal (for you).

   Life is a gift ... Unrap it with Zeal !!

   You have to be one thing or the other because if you're always about to be something then you're nothing.

   I think I'm going to end up like Plankton. Marrying my computer.!!