Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   so cool, you can set your clock by his 5 oclock shadow

   Okay we get it 50-something washed up bar sl~ts. No need to post pics every other day feigning you're having a good time at some boring nightclub.

   Why do atheist celebrate Christmas? Just stop it! You are making yourself look bad.

   Trump wins and farmers get scarily closer to their doeling goats all over the midwest

   Name something you would say to a friend in 2020 who would think you were completely crazy if you said it to them in 2019 Copy and paste to see what your friend's say.

   The news just reported that Loving County Texas is Coronavirus free! I mean there's only 102 people that live in that country, but still that's something to celebrate!

   If I’m reading their lips correctly, it looks like my neighbours are having an argument about the creepy guy next door.

   This afternoon I was so excited to find a sizable cache of Bitcoins in a shoe box! Upon further examination it turned out to be old arcade tokens I'd forgotten about. Damn.

   When you see a piece of garbage on the ground you can pick up you must ask yourself "What would Greta Thunberg do?"

   I am creating face mask from the scalps of the dead... Is that wrong?

   I'm not saying she's a slut but whenever she eats a banana in public, she puts one hand behind her head.

   Log off Facebook and go to church if you want to pray. Facebook was exclusively invented for spying and stalking

   When I was 10, I was given 6 mo. to live and I refused. My mom got mad at me. Damn autocorrect. When I was 10, I was given 6 oz. of liver and I refused. My mom got mad at me.

   Being constantly preached about things is no reason to hate a person or group of people.

   Imagine playing dead & you hear “shoot everybody again”

   I’m white, but not ‘get married in a barn’ white.

   (To the theam song of Barney & Friends)...... I like beer..... You like beer..... Everone here liiiikes beer..... So lets all go to the bar...... And have a few ew ew beers.

   I really want to meet a redneck, hillbilly who own stocks.

   When you think about your dreams and goals, instead of asking yourself what's stopping you, figure out what's starting you.

   there a Monday's for dummies ?? I really need it