Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If I’m reading their lips correctly, it looks like my neighbours are having an argument about the creepy guy next door.

   When you see a piece of garbage on the ground you can pick up you must ask yourself "What would Greta Thunberg do?"

   I am creating face mask from the scalps of the dead... Is that wrong?

   I'm not saying she's a slut but whenever she eats a banana in public, she puts one hand behind her head.

   Being constantly preached about things is no reason to hate a person or group of people.

   Imagine playing dead & you hear “shoot everybody again”

   I’m white, but not ‘get married in a barn’ white.

   (To the theam song of Barney & Friends)...... I like beer..... You like beer..... Everone here liiiikes beer..... So lets all go to the bar...... And have a few ew ew beers.

   This afternoon I was so excited to find a sizable cache of Bitcoins in a shoe box! Upon further examination it turned out to be old arcade tokens I'd forgotten about. Damn.

   I really want to meet a redneck, hillbilly who own stocks.

   When you think about your dreams and goals, instead of asking yourself what's stopping you, figure out what's starting you.

   there a Monday's for dummies ?? I really need it

   Do you know what happens to little boys who continually interrupt? They grow up and make a fortune doing TV commercials.

   You can fight a lot of enemies and survive, but if you fight your biology, you always lose.

   The Cavaliers owner was overheard muttering to himself, "If I can't have LeBron, no one can."

   I can't believe it, just when I moved to a nice neighbourhood away from all the theft and gun crime, they've gone and invented the houses that were too close.

   meteor showering with Axe shower gel.

   going crazy. Wanna join?

   if you cant solve life's problems try Ctrl + Alt + Del

   Fighting cavaties. :)