Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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bulletproof vest on my chest so I can't get shot by cupid 
i know have a epipen, my friend gave it to me as he was dying... It seemed very important to him that I have it
Nobody ever got their balls stuck in a buttonhole......jus sayin
"this hurts me more more than it hurts you." I say as I burn my own hand with a lighter in front of my son, unsure what the lesson is.
if you have already read the books please don't spoil the ending of the world cup
it was sooo cold last winter that i'm still farting snow flakes in August
Do you think, Ajay Bhatt, inventor of the USB will be buried twice? The 2nd time because they put him in the wrong way?
If at first you don't succeed then maybe skydiving isn't your thing.
All of the Prophets claim One will come to bring the world together In a new age, I am here
I have to do my duty and report to jury service...hehehe I said doody!
Happy birthday to the microwave oven. As The very first domestic model was introduced 58 years ago today, by the Tappan stove company in Mansfield, Ohio.Formally known as Tappan @ss LLC.
I have a thing for haters. It's called a middle finger.
Your heart will always try to trick you into believing you can love only one. The truth is you can love many. Because love is everywhere.
It's Friday night. I'm writing this and you're reading it. We're both sad.
To shop the best on "Black Friday" it is easier to throw stink bombs by large crowds to get them to clear the area.
I like you. But I don't "let you out of my basement" like you. Hah because I love you.
Happy Friday Everyone!!! Hope you all have an awesome weeken... never mind
Why do people disect every word a pro athlete says? I'm pretty sure none of them are Rhode's Scholars...
Its about time the government enacted a law that keeps dumb and stupid people away from Social Media.
I don't know how I didn't get pulled over by the cops last night. I was definitely driving under the influence of a good bl0wj0b. 