Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I have to do my duty and report to jury service...hehehe I said doody!

   Happy birthday to the microwave oven. As The very first domestic model was introduced 58 years ago today, by the Tappan stove company in Mansfield, Ohio.Formally known as Tappan @ss LLC.

   I have a thing for haters. It's called a middle finger.

   Your heart will always try to trick you into believing you can love only one. The truth is you can love many. Because love is everywhere.

   It's Friday night. I'm writing this and you're reading it. We're both sad.

   To shop the best on "Black Friday" it is easier to throw stink bombs by large crowds to get them to clear the area.

   I like you. But I don't "let you out of my basement" like you. Hah because I love you.

   Happy Friday Everyone!!! Hope you all have an awesome weeken... never mind

   Why do people disect every word a pro athlete says? I'm pretty sure none of them are Rhode's Scholars...

   Its about time the government enacted a law that keeps dumb and stupid people away from Social Media.

   I don't know how I didn't get pulled over by the cops last night. I was definitely driving under the influence of a good bl0wj0b.

   Real friends get treated like family. Fake friends get treated like a plague.

   Auto correct did me in. I've been seeing a girl who perspires a little when we have s-e-x. Hot. I typed, "Hi, sweety", and it changed it ti, "Hi, sweaty." Now she won't take my calls.

   That moment when you watching Mimmi's video and you realized that shower pole is stronger than most relationship

   “What I am is what I am… what you are is under arrest

   Jameis Winston did NOT steal those crab legs intentionally. He is so into football, that he felt sorry for the shellfish, and merely thought he would do the right thing by putting them on injured reserve.

   So Boko Haram is partying, while the idîots are droning innoceñts elsewhere

   I like to think that "I don't give a f*&k', but I don't not give a f*&k nearly as much as this dude sitting next to me on the train whos watching hardcore anime p0rn.

   is ❒Taken ❒Single ✔ awesome

   I think it's logical to hate the player, without players there would be no game and I would have a date for Friday night