Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   You know you're addicted to gambling when you spend your hard earned money on virtual chips in Zynga.

   I think this whole verify your account thing is a bunch of garbage. So I'm not going to follow the crowd and "verify" mine...so if you lose me as a friend I guess they were serious lol

   I've been trying to teach my mate how to play golf recently but the problem seems to be his drive. His wife stands on it and doesn't let us out.

   wants to thank Starbucks CEOs for now offering severely addicted customers, like myself, a bathtub-sized cup. Awesome!

   She might be ugly now, but wait a few more drinks.

   It's so hot my ac is on energy saver but it hasn't gone off yet to save me energy. Smh. Money blowing out the window.

   Both Tiffany AND Debbie Gibson on The View. I suddenly have the urge to visit a Bachrach and Spencer's Gifts.

   yes I am embarrassed of certain things I did in my past.....you reminding me wont really hurt me any more then it already did, pain is gone only scars left and those dont hurt just reminder , I DON'T NEED YOU TO REMIND ME

   just broke my damn thumb again!! Really need to take it out my a*se before I sit in future..

   For world economy to stablelise matchsticks should come both sides.

   Sometimes I want to linger in your mouth like an expensive liquor and sometimes I want you to slam me down like a cheap shot.

   Just seen a mature dating site the photo has a woman with her chest thrusting out in a "provocative" manner , that's ok but the large tattoo of a tigers head emblazoned on the left one left me wondering"Just sayin"

   That Mark Walberg must be a funny MF... He sure had Regis Philbin smiling up a storm on Antiques Roadshow tonight...

   I'm going to take you to a place you've never been before! Brewhahaha

   Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead, and then I remember I'm thinking about you.

   Surprise jumps on the back is for 160 lbs and under women only.....any thing over is a tackle

   Her: Why do you love me? Him: because you have sex with me. Her: You could have sex with other girls, too. Him: I can?? Sweet!! Her: That’s not what I meant. Him: OK…then, I love you.

   Some of the most anxious times in my life has been the time it takes a dropped knife to hit the floor instead of lopping off one my toes.

   why would you wan't to add me to your Birthday Calender, are you going to shower me with gifts? That's I thought so?

   A reverse cowgirl is an Indian right?