Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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Asking for her hand in marriage means something entirely different if your name’s Frankenstein. 
Difference between House and Home : HOUSE is where you fart in headphones mode HOME is where you fart in Dolby surround mode
Winning trade wars is so easy. Just ask George Bu.sh.
We don't need a trade deal to last forever. If he doesn't like it down the road, he just divorce it for a younger trade deal, maybe from a different country...
In the past week, the media has inundated us with a partisan train wreck and ended it with a helicopter crash.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
Not every friend request as a friend request some are just a surveillance camera
Fact: China denies his claim that they reached out about a trade deal. What is is it going to take for you to wake up?
It's a little known fact that Elton John doesn't like iceberg lettuce, he's a rocket man.
Hey England: Every Brexit You Take. I Will Always Love EU. Un Brexit my heart. With Or Without EU. Straight outta Currency. Britain on the Dock of Decay. Since UK Been Gone.
'm pretty opinionated for a guy who walks around the house talking to his dog in a Bernie Sanders voice.
Now you got me asking myself? Why does Disco Music give me Night Fever and the Heebie Bee Gees Bees?
I know I am a guy but stopping offended when I try to breast-feed in public. Besides, it helps my dog and I bond better
What if the first man to try and drink Milk from a cow had mistakenly picked a bull ?
Hey kids! Make your voice heard this election day by hiding your parents identification! (Not applicable in some states)
If 50 is the new 40, does that mean I have to break it to my 9 year old nephew that he's the new -1?
I went to Cost Cutters to get my sideburns trimmed today. The Hairstylist got all mad and kicked me out when I dropped me pants
I hope that lady referee doesn't have a mic...
Idle hands do the devil's work, and that's why they're down your pants right now.
Yeah he is soldier built for the COKE VS PEPSI war. 