Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Did that Australian man say Meteorite or mate are you alright

   if anyone is still shopping for Christmas gifts, this week is "procrastinator's week"

   Cutler pulled a Romo... or was it a Cutler... idk anymore.

   can anyone tell me why the crimson tide sucks?

   All I wanted for Christmas was to get promoted out of the friend zone.

   Polar vortex proof Mother nature is not having a gender identity crisis. In everyday terms that's cold hearted.

   I am recruiting for valentine's. I want my love to be crazy and beautiful. I want my love to be passionate and heart-wrenching and unpredictable. Boring need not apply.

   A Facebook s tatus update so confusing you turn your radio down to read it.

   "Im not sure if I actually have some free time on my hands, or if I'm just forgetting to come up with a really good posst?

   after this status is written there will be 116 characters left, just sitting there not being used. Be a shame to waste them. Who wants em?

   This year I'm getting my Valentine a new phone case. I know it doesn't sound very romantic, but my Valentine is my phone.

   I think the Shriley Temple/Judy Garland status was a joke. The guy says oh.......AS#WIPE

   Happy Valentine's Day, Peeps! Love is hard to find, so give some, get some, buy, rent or lease some, loan some out if you have extra. Spread a smile at work, wink at a stranger at lunch, or give a happy wave to someone in traffic. But above all else, i

   Every song has a story to tell and to every person that story is different. Even when its the same song except for Sir Mix a Lots Babys Got Back...thay has only one story lol

   .... "There once was a girl from Nantucket" ..... DAMMIT! .... Apparently I'm a terrible Poet ... cuz I can't think of anything that rhymes with Nantucket.

   When someone I don't like texts me, I send their text back. I don't want that sh*t.

   The amount of money you'd need to donate to ALS for me to do the Ice bucket challenge this time of year would cure ALS.

   The beer can was invented 80 years ago this week by a Virginia man. God Bless 'Merica!!

   I know one day my life may be changed by the man who spends his nights spray painting "Jesus Saves Repent" signs on plywood and places them on the Interstate.

   If ever caught in the middle if a kung fu fight, I'm just going to lay down and pretend I was hit by nunchucks.