Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Super excited that bicycle seat sniffing season is already here!

   Maybe Sandusky should've faked his death like Joe Pa to get out of trouble

   "This town ain't big enough for the two of us." said someone who was terrible at both english and geography......

   When is a man the smartest? When he's having sex; Why? Because he's plugged into the know it all machine.

   When you wake up before you're alarm and when it goes off it scares the sh** out of you

   When I am in an extra big hurry I take a "Doc Bath" and rub each nipple with a wet Certs.

   They took my happy meal.... I took their happiness.

   Who said money can't buy class ? And also a trident large enough to poke the Red Devils royally in their own back yard....Gory Gory Man United.

   Hmm, I should throw a party with fake alcohol and see how many people act wasted.

   Two Way Monologue - The normal in any relationship

   you can pick your nose, you can pick your friends nose, but you can't wipe your friend on the couch..

   The nap I just took should sell T-shirts.

   Oi, FB friends, enjoy, love and relax..... love what you do and love the people around you... but always be prepared to explore and be ready for change............ dont get bored and dont be boring.......

   The Blind side- Letting people know that kidnapping is profitable

   needs to get help for alcoholism NOW...wonder where I should go.

   you know what they say about black jokes... if you have heard one then you heard jemal

   serial killers are a dime a dozen, if you want to really get noticed your gonna have to include a little canabalism

   Sometimes we make love with our eyes, sometimes we make love with our hands, sometimes we make love with our bodies, but we always we make love with our hearts.

   A nutsack is a guy's Christmas Ornament from God.

   This night m'lady and I will intertwine our love in the haunting glow of the moon, and maybe she'll let me stick it in her pooper.