Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Trump invite the Russian national basketball team to the White House. Yeah, nothing's more American than a Russian team, lol

   Glad to see Halloween is coming and I could finally get rid of some of these fast food condiments.

   Trump’s more of a basketball guy. Can’t get enough of the Spurs.

   Why did cave men drag women around by their hair? Cuz if they dragged them by their feet they would feel up with sand.

   To further prove that Wal Mart is low class, I let a smelly one rip in one of the grocery aisles. Folks came a running thinking the store had set up a food sample stand. Unrelated, never trust a fart.

   I'm a grown ass man. I don't play childish games. School was over for me a long time ago. Be honest, be true or be gone.

   Battered women sounds taste, but it's just a bad idea.

   I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle

   It wasn't my fault I got drunk!!! I was thirsty ;) x

   Theres nothing hotter than when guys stare at my cleavage while I pretend to be offe ded

   I park in handicapped spaces and watch handicapped people pulling handicapped faces.

   This just in. The following have been arrested for selling counterfeit pizza. Papa John-Hungry Howie-Little Caesar-Cici-Domino-and Chuck E. Cheese. Tear gas was used to bring them out of their hiding place...Pizza Hut.

   I keep the city's best, never said she was the brightest. So if you had her too it don't affect me in the slightest. I never met a bi*ch that didn't need a little guidance so I dismiss her past until she dissappoints your highness.

   On acid, strobe light going, Slayer cranked, "The Exorcist" on mute, Misfits face paint, erect, playing Ouija, naked w/ a knife. Come over!

   Obama is like my girlfriend, always late...

   How much for the phone charger? Sir, that's a nuclear power plant.

   If a baby comes out with an Afro, is that considered Natural child birth?

   University of Kentucky 2012 Win, Philadelphia Philies World Series Win, Seattle’s Superball Win, when whites went buck wild for the most arbitrary and utterly unjustifiable reasons on earth.

   she is a "case worker". You'd need to drink a case before you work her.

   lost a game of Scrabble last night. I couldn't believe it. I was lost for words.