Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Taking my lunch break in a near by park would be a little less complicated if I didn't forget the fact that I have a mustache this month.

   Stupid vending machine took my money because the bag of chips didn't drop! I starting pounding the glass as hard as I could then I looked up and saw a surveillance camera and walked away slowly out the break room.... >_<

   Did you hear about the Nascar driver who turned to boxing....he ran around the ring 300 times then knocked the guy out

   While Lebron is playing for the East, his mom was riding the West.

   I will always refer to # as a "number sign"or "pound sign".. Not a "Hashtag" The last time I remeber a hashtag. it was being handed to de left hand side

   Soooo basically "twitter" is basically Myspace 2.0?!

   any computer someone may have used to purchase you a gift. Tip 2: If you purchase gifts online, DELETE YOUR BROWSING HISTORY. That concludes today's lesson and tips.

   A salesman hugs a girl. GIRL: What the hell is this? SALESMAN: It is direct marketing. GIRL: *slaps him* SALESMAN: What was that? GIRL: A customer's feedback!

   boys want to loose deir virginity as soon as posible,girls want to loose it as late as posible. Woman want to get married as soon as posible wereas man want to get married as late as posible

   Admit it, your heart skips a beat when you see the 'number' on the globe icon whenever you login to FB ;o)

   Thought I had perfect eyesight then I saw my wife

   i hear bieber is expecting a kid...i wonder when justin's due date is

   There are types of women. Those who have power in the world. Those who have power in the bedroom. And those who have power in both worlds.

   I'll save a kid from drowning in a pool, unless I'm wearing a really nice dry clean only outfit.

   C.L.A.S.S = Come Late And Start Sleeping.

   sickipedia dot org, is the best, and most of the status here are stolen from there

   I want to go to prison....I hear the exercise program there is AWESOME!!!

   Put down the Charlie Sheen magnifying glass, and pick up the mirror.

   Dude next to me at the urinal yesterday definitely had sugar smacks for breakfast! Dam you sense of smell!

   The akward moment when your college teacher gave you a dead line date for an essay, so you forgot to do it, so you do it at the last day and end up getting a higher grade than your classmates. "THUG LIFE"