Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   was thinking tonight, if your parents sent you to school with a giant "lunchable" pack for your lunch everyday, they didnt love you

   I'm eatin' in a world where i'm considered baked,

   it is 6:01 and I am still here... or am I??? Rapture Schmapture!

   quit telling me how addictive the things I ingest are...you know what else is addictive?!!?! EFFIN FOOD..if you stop eating you will have withdraws too!! FREAKS!!

   Just got robo-call from Paul Revere warning that the redcoats are coming. My, he's changed.

   I don't know why all these gamers are in the news, moaning about PS3 and now Nintendo being hacked. Back in the day I once hacked my ZX Spectrum, and got infinite lives on Chuckie Egg. It was awesome.

   Gerbil owner? Add an element of surprise to your pets day by placing a bowl of ready Brek in it's cage, covered in sawdust and then placing a sign nearby saying "danger quicksand"

   your always smiling while you play on the rain and frowning when you play in the sun.

   If you plan on meeting someone on facebook who has no pictures on their profile page. A word of caution. Better you should bury your face in Rosie O'Donnell's a$$ for 6 hours, than hook up with that monster.

   had a fight with Mister Booze,and now I'm wearing tattered shoes,♪♫ Don't mess with Mister Booze, You always loose with mister booze ,don't mess with Mister Booze♪♫

   Going to a strip club when your married is like going to mercedes dealership and not being able to to take one home.

   Guys who say MOB while they are still living with their moms mean, Mom Over B!tches.

   You may be an open book but I'm a bit more complicated than that. The inner macanations of my mind are an enigma

   I wish I had more cents, scents, or sense!

   life is a battle field and there are so many dangers, just when you think it's okay it blows up in your face..

   Am I a hypochondriac? Well, a cloud just went in front of the sun and I thought I was fainting.

   If I can't text and drive then I'll have a hard time warning my mute friends about traffic jams

   White Castle; because I like my chicken in the form of cheerio's

   "One day, I hope to travel to Botswana to gonto school and become a success sonmy children will have it easier than I did" siad no one, ever.

   If the memo sees iys shadow today it means four more years of Trump?