Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The guy said “Violence is never the answer” and I said “What if the question is ‘What is never the answer?’” and he punched me in the face.

   It's none of my business whether you wear a weave or not. I only care when we have sex & it tries to strangle me when I'm asleep

   A CIVIL war is where people are nice and polite to each other “Excuse me kind sir, would you mind having your head chopped off?”

   Only part of me happy about a global wine shortage is my liver.

   Women will remember everything you say and do. Especially those things you don't want them to remember.

   Facebook and writing (like journaling) are a poor man's therapy.

   I had to switch to the Ipad to see what you wrote on FB.....I just turn it on, and I could of sworn I saw a middle finger come up at the beginning of the screen before it died again...

   Today they took Rob Ford's office budget and his staff away. He has been removed from his position on committees and lost his power to fill vacancies. The only power he has left is to represent the city at official functions. That's actually the one I wou

   I knew it was over the moment I accidentally hit you with my car, then backed over you five more times and drove away.

   Writers block I can deal

   I am all for recycling but not when it comes to lovers.

   I never delete messages just incase someone try to play me and say I'm ugly. You wasn't saying that March 12,2010 at 4:35pm.hahahahahaa

   When I see a drink written “non-alcoholic”, it makes me feel very violent.

   I try to make things last by saving them for a while, which bring me to this moment. It will be bittersweet, I can tell you that. I'm going to enjoy this, but it will also make me sad. I'm about to have my last Easter Egg.

   Some people are like a surprise package. You never know what you are gonna get with them.

   it illegal to make a right turn into the right lane these days??

   A speed bump but made out of my ex.

   Don't forget to put zero effort into everything then complain how you never get anything you want today!

   there's a method to my madness.. just a madman with no method..

   Stop telling people you got that scar in a bar fight when you know darn well it's from being circumcised.