Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Art of management- "Let that person to be himself for few minutes and for the next few hours he will react only as you act" :P

   Good resolutions are like beautiful girls: they are easy to make but hard to keep

   The loser contestants who come back to sing on finale shows suddenly look like escaped mental patients.

   Powered off the smart phone felt like I was having a heart attack...

   I insisted that my girl accompany me on a fishing trip. That opened up a new can of worms.

   We can only hope that things turn around before there's time to learn any lessons.

   just got a call from rick ross, said he's jealous of my beard (y)

   How many times was Jonny on the spot before he had the phrase "Jonny on the spot" named after him?

   Becareful, the only reason some people decide to get married is just so they can start blaming someone else for their disaster of self.

   It's time to go to bed when there is no more beer!!! I think Ben Franklin said this

   For a long term relationship to work the amount of times she's a pain in the ass has to equal the amount of times he causes pain in her ass.

   I am like an unborn child, sometimes all I need is a push

   Pat Riley is so good, he could convince Kobe to pass the ball .

   Quote from the movie Project X..."That guys so old he probably graduated in 1986"..ouch .I'm frickin Dinosaur...  

   unibrows...look like birds in flight when in a 'Surprised' mode

   just because I peed my pants doesnt mean I was scared...it just means I sneezed real hard just before you 'tried' to scare me

   Drinking promotes freedom of speech. Call me tonight and I'll tell what I really think of you!

   everyone has that 1 friend that is totally clueless

   I'm bout to go to this club and drink responsibly. You know what that means right? Someone else will be responsible for the bill.

   Web site security. I change my passwords regularly right after I forget them.