Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If your stepbrother is gay does that make him your half sister ?

   Going to MacDonalds for a Salad is like going to a crack house for vitamins

   said to an ugly chick he wanted to give her ONE. ''I wouldnt touch you she said. ''I wouldnt touch you either'' I said, I was rating you out of TEN''

   about to put a broom stick in your turd cutter

   put your hands in da air and wave 'em like you just don't care 'cause it's Friday!

   My friend told me Alan Rickman had died. I said "You're joking?". She replied "Nope. Dead Sirius."

   In hell, everything you have Googled in your lifetime will scroll across a jumbotron.

   Damn Yankies and their football. Who plays football using hands anyways? Girls maybe.

   Did any of you get nominated for an Oscar? Me neither. Apparently you have to be in a movie to get nominated, which I think is unfair.

   If batman and catwoman had a kid it would be batcat or the "less popular" manwoman.

   A stranger accidentally touched my arm today and now I have to get drunk to forget about it.

   When girls get mad, they cry to their friends. We go cuss people out on Xbox.

   a lot of wankers here who will thumb down a good joke cos it threathens their own

   tired from going clubbing last night......those baby seals are faster than I thought

   Single and ready for Rumble!

   ..is at home taking care of mum after her accident..she fell in front of a man and ended up with a big bump. A bit like how I was conceived,really ..

   A snowman is the perfect man. He's very well rounded and comes with his own broom. Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.......somewhere else please.

   in your mum's extended network.

   I hate when I wake up naked in the dumpster behind Dunkin' Donuts and I can't figure out if it's jizz or donut glaze in my eyes.

   nobody. NOBODY is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect. So there. Logic and reasoning win again.