Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   How ironic is it, that when Smokey the Bear dies, he wants to be cremated.

   I thought of quitting smoking. But all those smoke rings I make from cigarette puffs are so adorable!

   Whats the worst thing you can do to a blind person? Leave the plunger in the toilet...

   Breaking news: Colorado will soon be re-named Little Amsterdam and will host Cheech and Chong Headquarters. Also there will be a state Bong: Chong's Bongs! that is all!

   when I'm with you I hate you but when I'm not with you I miss you

   Hey ACCESS. the GO DADDY commercial may have made last place for likes and it was inappropriate for family viewing and was outright disturbing...way to go GO DADDY, it was the most successful add, most talked about!

   In my defense Your Honor, I thought she had been stung by a jellyfish.

   At least people from the Southvdidnt have to name it a 'Superstorm.'

   Dear cars that have an Automatic start engine button please don't do it around me sincerely someone who thought you where a Transformer

   I recently had a bad break up with Mari Juana. I am going to miss her.

   When they report your photo to Facebook, and Facebook tells them your photo does not violates any rules. ;)

   Roses are Red, Violets are Blue. No mutual friends? I'm not adding you!

   Opening the wrong kitchen cupboard and drowning in a "Bag for life" tsunami

   france, you couldn't b more a dįčk. Banning little girls from school for dressing modest. There is a special place in hêl1 for you

   CAN I JUST GET A DAMM CUP OF COFFEE?

   My life is like a good woman. It really scuks.

   The disregard of tiny complex minds is the best response….

   Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they said *how* the person died.

   If I ever leave this country(Nigeria) and anybody asks, I'm denying under oath that I'm Nigerian.

   hehe every needs to laugh once a day to stay healthy