Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If Titanic happened now Rose would ask Jack to film her like one of his onlyfans girls

   FML- facebook is my life

   did you know that the following first letter of the months: july, august, sept, oct, and nov. it spells out "JASON" ?

   Do you know why they call it PMS? Because Mad Cow Disease was taken.

   People are often worried about the mafia, but I think it's Justin Beiber we should be worried about. Get on Beibers bad side and he can send tens of thousends of angry young girls over to your house to totally kick your butt! Beib's the new John Gotti.

   How do you know the Native Indians invented the toothbrush ?..Because if the white man did it would have been called the teethbrush..

   Oh great, the Dow Jones is dropping faster than Melania's panties at a photoshoot.

   No, thanks. Five hours of energy sounds terrifying.

   I dont know why soo many people are against gay couples adopting children. According to the"babble" Jesus had two dads and he turned out okay.....

   HOME ALONE! :( .... I started a fire in the kitchen by making a bowl of coco-pops (long story)....i had a panic attack so I called the fire brigade and they got mad at me because they said that the fire was only a little bit of milk on the kitchen floor..

   it socially acceptable to aim a leaf blower directly into the mouth of someone annoying you?

   just because I busted a nut it doesn't mean you made me cum

   just Manny being Manny

   Loading Swagg... ██████████████ 100% Complete.

   just heard a rumor that President Obama is going to hire Servpro (Like it never even happened) to remove the remaining water out of BP's oil in the Gulf of Mexico........

   Fact of the day: You can't spell 'prostitution' without 'STI'

   Your lips are saying "No", but your rape whistle is saying "maybe".

   Hey, NASA, do you mind looking for my son’s shoe while you’re on Mars? He’s looked “everywhere.”

   My financial advisor recommended I join a doomsday cult.

   The "Inflation Reduction Act" is about to turn the Recession into a Depression, but at least the Prozac will be cheaper.