Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I may not be great in bed, but I should at least get a participation medal after sex.

   The suicide bomber was an outgoing person? More like an inside-out going person.

   pulled my groin playing reindeer games!

   So I already have ADHD but I'm thinking on upgrading to ADHD 4K - it will be even more clear that I'm not paying attention to stuff

   Some things need no improving, three stooges for instsn

   I'm not as good as I once was, but I'm good once as I ever was.

   I resolve not to swim in any swimming pool without water.

   They should of put Justn Bieber in Rikers Island prison with lifers.

   i tell the girl at el charros I like refried beans. That's why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good and we're just wasting time. You don't have to fry them again after all

   A sad day I knew would come: Not only can he not drive 55, Sammy Hagar prefers to stay below 45 and won't get out of the passing lane.

   How do you honestly expect to make it in this cutthroat world carrying a useless brain like yours?

   redneck version of ChromeBook ....go to the library & get a book....wrap duct tape all over the covers....you chromed your book

   the man in the moon is so embarrassed....look how red he is

   I thought my mom forgot about Dre until she showed up at the beach wearing nuthin but a g-strang.

   Here's a list of people who have time for that - 1) Nobdy

   Playing Trivia Crack. The question was, "What is the irrational fear of elevators? In hindsight Rice-traphobia is obviously wrong.

   I think the next time I have to tell my teenager to do something they don't want to do, I'll play a catchy 80s tune like the pharmaceutical commercials.

   Giving me a Miilkbone after sex does not make it "doggy style"

   Just wondering how the Monkeys got infected with the Human Immunodeficiency Virus, in the first place

   If you use any of these terms, "Hi, Guy"-"My Hubby/Wifey" or "Veggies"...go fark yourself.