Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   How did they know kurt cobain had dandruff... they found his head and shoulders on the floor;)

   My generation had Wonder Woman. Your generation has to Wonder if it's a Woman.

   how Stella got her groove back

   When I was a kid I used to trick the tooth fairy with kidney stones

   Former President Bush suggested invading the "Gulf of Mexico" to control the BP oil spill. He also proposed forming a mercenary force made up of BP executives and oil rig operators called "The Coalition of the Spillin'

   At my funeral, I want a group of Italian guys to walk up to my casket and say "We're gonna miss ya boss" so my family thinks I had something going on.

   Number of times Trump has been under Federal investigation: 169, Hillary - 1. Seems like an easy choice to me...

   The more I learn about people, the more I realize why Noah only let animals aboard the ark.

   Whenever I'm in a restaurant and the waitperson says they are short-staffed I tell them "Well then you need to hire taller staff."

   Cocaine worth estimated R10 000 000( $1000 000) was confisticated inside Obama's luggage, in his defense, Obama said people must keep their NOSE out of his business

   Thinking God's has a great personality, Both my wife and girlfriend are on the rag at the same time.

   cutting I'm cutting the sleeves off my Snuggie because it makes me look cool and after all it's summer.

   80% of the boys have girlfriend, rest 20% are having brain

   I went Clubbing with my Inuit Friends from Canada tonight. Not what I expected. Poor seals!

   We need Facebook for Dummies Asap..Because Some OF Yall Say the Dumbest Shi...

   ║▌║█║▌║▌││║▌║█║▌│║▌║█║▌║▌││║▌║ *ZAP* *BEEP* Price: $7.95

   Cleaning out the fridge is the most excitement I’ve had in weeks Surprised face, confused, followed by a little gagging

   Being in a relationship means being able to solve problems together; problems you would not have if you were single.

   Saw a man holding a newspaper and a blackberry so time travel is possible you guys!

   I wasn't feeling right so I went to the doctor. He told me the problem was I was half black. I said, "What should I do?" He told me to eat two watermelons and call him in the morning."