Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet.

   the "ESC" button is NOt for teleportation. You will never escape.

   wishes Santa would stop allowing bullying at the North Pole. Stop allowing the laughing at others and name calling.

   Googled ,what women hate about men and a picture of me appeared ..!!!

   SO THAT"S what a Super Massive Black Hole IS !? HUH ! I was thinking something TOTALLY DIFFERENT !

   "Please die please die" - when I see someone I know walking towards me to say Hi

   Whenever a woman says "I want to show you something", I always reply "Okay!" in as fast as 0.03475 secs.

   Legal definition of sexual relations in West Virginia... Family reunion.

   I'll know love when I see it. That's why I refuse to get corrective lenses.

   Seeing a loser from your high school w/ a good job is like graffiti on a highway bridge… how the Hell did that get there?

   Adele announced she is pregnant. If she has the baby in the next few days, you guys are going to feel terrible for calling her fat.

   Man, it was so HOT today, Instagram stop working!.....

   Got asked by this girl today if I wanted to make a sex tape with her. I told her yeah but we'd have to do it in infrared since nightvision was taken. I'll be in Hollywood in no time!

   Kill your haters with kindness. Gift wrap the explosives

   Pregnancy...when the belly starts to show...the tiddays start to grow.

   Today on Maury! Joseph was engaged to Mary, then learned she's pregnant! You won't BELIEVE who she says the Baby Daddy is! Tune in for results.

   Your ass is like a door knob everyone gets a turn

   Guys with great penmanship probably jack-off to other men with that fancy writing hand of theirs.

   Whenever "your" is used instead of "you're," a puppy is beaten,

   Ladies: If your boyfriend is the kind of guy that removes the vowels from FEMALE for you... dump him!