Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   ..when people write "is ;-)" as their stat message,you tend to think,well,if I was ";-)" would I stop and write a stat update about it? Obviously you're not ";-)" very well.

   Facebook just pulled an Obama and started accepting gay ads.

   "Mona Lisa sucked my kock once" Leonardo Da Vinci

   your destiny

   I think Kayne West sould make an appearance on the Jay Leno Show and be like... "I'll let you get back to your show in a minute I just wanna say Conan O'brien has a much better show"

   #AmyWinehouse Cremated...emergency response team called during cremation the crowd outside heard a huge explosion and started to smell Crack

   Someone accused me of cheating at board games. I pretty sure they were just jealous I could win a game of Connect Four in 3 moves.

   Do jews celebrate labor day or do they gotta be different like usual

   * To help my bored stay at home friends to past the time, I made a DVD video of his dumbest speeches to watch.

   Took the kids to the zoo today and spent the first 30 mins explaining why the animals are not in alphabetical order like their favorite book

   Brexiters who’ve spent 18 months saying ‘you lost, get over it’ are still waiting to discover what they’ve won.

   I figured out why I can't get off this damn computer......I have a farm to Harvest, Fish to feed and a zoo to keep up....FML!

   2 more for today Do you want some Hot Lesbein Sex and by Lez sex I mean Tea but it will still be hot

   not an actor on TV but is one in real life.

   It took a lot of persuasion and reasoning on my part at this 'all-you-can-eat' buffet, but anyway... long story short... I'm about to blow the busboy.

   "Hello 911?" "There's a guy on TV that wants me to feed kids in Africa 15 pennies a day and I'd like to file a complaint... Yes, I'll hold."

   I will stop Loving you, when an Apple fruit grows on a mango tree, on the 30th Day of February ♥

   Had a Children's Message at church today. Pastor has a bunch of sports equpment. Asks the kids what each is used for. They all tell what sport they are for. When he hold up a bible my kid raises her hand and says "that's what pastors play with!"

   OPERATOR: "9-1-1 please hold." ME: "Hey, Fire can you finish cooking the food before the house?" FIRE: "The one in the Pantry or on the Stove?"

   Rough day. Truck broke down, went to find help, ended up in a human centipede.