Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   i don't have moves like Jagger, Jagger's got moves like me ;)

   Dont you just love my t!tt!es? (+ )(- ).. Its just a tit bit nipply in here!

   A boy named Suh just gave up a lot of Johnny Cash.

   I'm spending the evening playing Strip I-Spy with a Filipino lumberjack, a lap dancer with one eye and a transvestite called Betty. Just a usual Thursday evening really.....

   Some of you are absolute retards who need to get out of those little minds of yours.

   Fracking - because only man would want to create something so toxic it can kill rocks.

   There are just some people who shouldn't exist and if they are going to be allowed to exist then they should be Taxed extra for all the precious air they use!

   I am so bored. I just spent an hour staring at an ant, trying to locate its peehole so I can put a grain of salt in it. Do ants drink water? #scratching head# I figure if I make it drink water, it will have to pee sometime.

   that BeachBody has signed a deal with Linda Blair for a new workout video just in time for Halloween called "P90Xorcism"

   eating a sexy ice cream cone.. it's like a normal ice cream cone.. only with me eating it.

   she's so sexy I won't let her in the bathroom with me for the fear of wet ceiling tiles, RJ

   The power of the human brain is amazing!!!! Did you know if you pretend to take a salt shaker and shake it on your tongue, you will ACTUALLY taste salt???!!!

   terrifoed that these are our kids 'good ole days'

   Dude, you was that drunk..... When I asked you what happened to the bottle of Tequila you said...."I plead the Cinco de Mayo"

   Since I've started laying crack rocks on top of all my junk nothing had been stolen and everything is organized...

   Hey, I just met you, and this crazy, but here is my dumbell so spot me maybe??!!

   Happy Mamacita's Day to all the Senoritas who played for keeps

   All Hitachi appliances and products vibrate.

   Did you hear about the circus fire? It was In-Tents!!

   If buttered toast always lands buttered side down and cats always land feet first, what would happen if you tied a piece of buttered toast to the back of a cat?