Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Will work for salary and benefits with an annual cost of living increase but not on weekends, statutory holidays, or during 3-week vacation.

   Really really really wants to zigazig ha

   There's a photographer traveling around the world taking pictures of the worlds oldest people. Isn't Larry King on television?

   I'm just a man but if you want I can still be your superman or prince charming! ♥

   seeing your past and it hurts, must be L.O.V.E.... seeing your piss and it hurts, must be S.T.D...

   your fat.......... and I'm not going to sugar coat it cause you would prolly eat that also.

   Bros over Hoes! ...Unless she's not a hoe.

   still waiting for the "cabbage explosion".

   Shopping Cart- The only thing a woman can park.

   i love you as much as the first piece of bead that nobody claims

   i don't have moves like Jagger, Jagger's got moves like me ;)

   Dont you just love my t!tt!es? (+ )(- ).. Its just a tit bit nipply in here!

   A boy named Suh just gave up a lot of Johnny Cash.

   I'm spending the evening playing Strip I-Spy with a Filipino lumberjack, a lap dancer with one eye and a transvestite called Betty. Just a usual Thursday evening really.....

   Some of you are absolute retards who need to get out of those little minds of yours.

   Fracking - because only man would want to create something so toxic it can kill rocks.

   There are just some people who shouldn't exist and if they are going to be allowed to exist then they should be Taxed extra for all the precious air they use!

   I am so bored. I just spent an hour staring at an ant, trying to locate its peehole so I can put a grain of salt in it. Do ants drink water? #scratching head# I figure if I make it drink water, it will have to pee sometime.

   that BeachBody has signed a deal with Linda Blair for a new workout video just in time for Halloween called "P90Xorcism"

   eating a sexy ice cream cone.. it's like a normal ice cream cone.. only with me eating it.