Fazzy Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Divorce Log: December 16, 2005 ME: Is this new bed I got us great or what!!! Wife: Uh... NO! ME: (looking down from top bunk) Why not?
←Rate | 12-16-2019 04:15 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Stay tuned, folks... it's getting close to my, "It's a New Year, It's A New Me" delusional time again.
←Rate | 12-14-2019 10:36 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon How in the world can I make wise life choices when I still use my fingers to add, sing the alphabet to see which letter comes next and think that BBQ potato chips are actually cooked on a BBQ?
←Rate | 12-12-2019 06:21 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Divorce Log 2006: My ex had her credit card stolen, but I didn't report it. The person who stole it used it less than she did.
←Rate | 12-31-2019 06:05 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon New Year's Resolution: Date more hot women. Amended: Date more. Amended: Get a date. Amended: Stop crying while taking cold showers.
←Rate | 01-02-2020 05:41 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm sick of people contradicting me when I insist that there IS such a thing as an emotional support lasagna.
←Rate | 01-06-2020 06:18 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon It finally dawned on me why I was bad at math. I noticed during school lunch that my sandwiches were only cut in half. The smart kids' sandwiches were cut into trapezoids and parallelograms.
←Rate | 01-08-2020 17:16 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I once had a dog who was the best watchdog ever. Well, he WOULDA been if a vacuum cleaner broke into the house.
←Rate | 01-13-2020 03:33 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon The art of thinking can be a likened to a wonderful journey... as long as you begin it with a full tank of gas.
←Rate | 01-16-2020 06:58 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish all women online were in 3D. That's my apartment #. 3D
←Rate | 01-20-2020 12:22 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you really think about it, "F**k You" is a compliment.
←Rate | 01-22-2020 07:48 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon No disrespect to the Vatican, but the actual first Sunday in Ordinary Time is the first Sunday after the Super Bowl.
←Rate | 01-23-2020 20:41 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Folks who cheat on their taxes distress me greatly. This is NOT the world in which I want to raise my 26 dependents.
←Rate | 02-02-2020 16:40 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hooters is not closing per se. It's going strictly delivery. It's changing its name to "Knockers"...
←Rate | 02-15-2020 23:44 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've resigned myself to the fact that if I start now, I'll have all my Christmas lights untangled and ready to go by December 24th.
←Rate | 02-17-2020 08:01 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon There will soon come a day when the only thing we'll use modern technology for is to reminisce about how good things were before modern technology.
←Rate | 02-19-2020 12:44 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon My goal for the remainder of the first half of 2020 is to get roughly 30 lbs lighter than the weight I lied about on my drivers license.
←Rate | 02-22-2020 09:28 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon At what age do you stop needing deodorants and start smelling like mothballs? (Asking for a friend.)
←Rate | 02-29-2020 06:54 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Daylight Saving Time arrives tomorrow. Gimme a break. Know what? I give it 8 months.
←Rate | 03-07-2020 06:26 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Virus or no virus, cruises hold no appeal for me. It's akin to a 5 star house arrest that's centered around overeating, which I can do quite well in the comfort of my own home.
←Rate | 03-08-2020 10:18 by Fazzy Comments (0)  




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