Mickey Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon I've told you a million times...don't exaggerate.
←Rate | 03-08-2013 07:26 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon Christmas Schmistmas....March features the greatest holiday of the year. Any festivity that centers itself around getting drunk on beer, and stuffed on a big hunk of beef soaked in brine wins my vote.
←Rate | 03-02-2013 11:07 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon Thanks for ruining real honey for all of us, Boo Boo idiots.
←Rate | 03-02-2013 02:36 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon The Daytona 500 is over. And so we wait for its return much in the same manner we do all once a year occurrences...like the Flu and the April 15th tax deadline.
←Rate | 02-24-2013 21:52 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon What impresses me more than your facebook friend count hovering at around 5,000...are the same three people that post on your page.
←Rate | 02-24-2013 13:41 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon My doctor asked for a stool, a urine, a blood, and a semen sample. I gave him my underwear.
←Rate | 02-24-2013 12:07 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon A rhinoceros walks into a bar wearing a top hat and orders six J├Ągerbombs and...you should be ashamed of yourself for expecting a punchline. It's obvious this rhinoceros needs help.
←Rate | 02-24-2013 11:14 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon Murphy's Law 2013: The McDonald's is always on the opposite side of the street from the direction in which you're travelling.
←Rate | 02-21-2013 15:42 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon Many folks have a possession "bronzed". I'm talking about my b@lls. When she said she wanted something in the driveway that went from 0 to 200 in 2 seconds, maybe I shouldn't have put a bathroom scale out there.
←Rate | 02-15-2013 07:23 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just saw pictures of my neighbor's 30 year high school reunion....Don't marry your high school sweetheart!!!
←Rate | 02-11-2013 15:36 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon Pope Benedict is so old, there are only two jobs available to him. 1) Bag boy at the supermarket. 2) Run for President on the Republican ticket.
←Rate | 02-11-2013 10:32 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ever notice the Pope's hat looks just like an upside down McDonald's Biggie Fries box?
←Rate | 02-11-2013 10:00 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon I picked up a Chinese girl last night at a New Year Celebration...we ended up at my place and things got pretty hot. She asked what I wanted, so I said, "69." She said, "You want Beef with Broccoli?"
←Rate | 02-10-2013 09:35 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon No, I haven't been sick. I haven't been busy. I haven't been away on vacation. The reason I haven't returned your calls is because I can't stand you.
←Rate | 02-09-2013 07:04 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon When the ATM printed out the receipt showing my account balance, I really don't think the LOL at the end was necessary.
←Rate | 02-07-2013 23:51 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon Being fat is over weighted.- Elmer Fudd
←Rate | 02-07-2013 06:25 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon A flying saucer lands at a gas station. Two aliens got out. On its side were the letters "UFO." The gas station guy goes, "Does that stand for Unidentified Flying Object?" "No", said one of aliens, "Unleaded Fuel Only."
←Rate | 02-05-2013 16:53 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon The way I see it, is if there were no men in the world, the planet would be filled with nothing but happy fat women. And a shortage of batteries.
←Rate | 02-05-2013 08:35 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you want your team to win a sporting event just tell me. I will root for the other team. That will guarantee a win for your team.
←Rate | 02-04-2013 12:00 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dan Marino's Love Child: There were no DNA tests. This came about when the mom saw the kid throw her bottle across the room in a perfect spiral hitting her dead center in the face every time.
←Rate | 01-31-2013 09:30 by Mickey Comments (0)  

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