Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon If swimming is good exercise, then explain whales.
←Rate | 01-18-2023 03:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I’m not the bigger person, better leave me alone.
←Rate | 01-18-2023 03:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Biden: No more gas stoves!
←Rate | 01-18-2023 03:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The best thing about a woman on the Right, no ding-dong.
←Rate | 01-18-2023 03:45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Activate Flying Monkeys!
←Rate | 01-18-2023 03:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Suddenly, California has too much water! Let’s play a game called, simmer-sin-sink-or-swim.
←Rate | 01-18-2023 03:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Who let: da dog out
←Rate | 01-18-2023 03:35 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You can’t stay young forever, but you can be immature for the rest of your life.
←Rate | 01-18-2023 01:28 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just caught my pecker in my zipper. No more zip-up boots for me.
←Rate | 01-18-2023 01:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When you tell your girl to shave her baby maker and you wake up bald.
←Rate | 01-18-2023 01:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I can do all things through spite, which strengthens me.
←Rate | 01-18-2023 01:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Start each day with a positive thought like; “in 16 hours, I can go back to bed.”
←Rate | 01-18-2023 01:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Fake laughing with customers is actually a skill and we should be allowed to add that to our resumes.
←Rate | 01-18-2023 01:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The urge to use parenthesis in every sentence (because every thought comes with additional bonus content)
←Rate | 01-18-2023 01:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon IKEA needs to provide better descriptions on their furniture like, what is the divorce rate on assembling this 8-drawer dresser.
←Rate | 01-18-2023 01:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Has decided to be fully delusional this year and see where that takes me. Because, being sensible hasn’t gleaned the results I’m looking for.
←Rate | 01-18-2023 01:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Grocery shopping is a constant battle between not buying snacks, so you won’t be tempted and being angry that there’s nothing to eat.
←Rate | 01-18-2023 01:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Back in my day there was so much toilet paper and eggs that we would throw them at the houses of our enemies.
←Rate | 01-17-2023 22:17 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I have 2 dozen Large eggs , will trade for a New Snowmobile or Small truck
←Rate | 01-17-2023 19:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Will trade toilet paper for eggs.
←Rate | 01-16-2023 23:00 Comments (0)  

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