Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon its been a few years that MTV got rid of "Jersey Shore." I guess we'll never know if they learn to walk upright.
←Rate | 08-28-2022 04:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm going to spend Labor Day this year putting my liver to work.
←Rate | 08-28-2022 04:45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Labor Day started so we all could get unbeatable prices on mattresses.
←Rate | 08-28-2022 04:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon In hell, everything you have Googled in your lifetime will scroll across a jumbotron.
←Rate | 08-28-2022 04:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon he told me he likes it rough so I crumbled a nature valley bar in the bed
←Rate | 08-28-2022 04:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon “That’s herpes” -my response anytime someone asks me to look at their rash.
←Rate | 08-28-2022 04:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I probably should stop talking about how dumb my dog is considering he’s been homeschooled his whole life.
←Rate | 08-28-2022 04:28 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Saw a man holding a newspaper and a blackberry so time travel is possible you guys!
←Rate | 08-28-2022 04:28 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you're ever wondering who your real Facebook friends are. Delete your account and see who calls....
←Rate | 08-28-2022 01:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My wife asked me the other day if I had seen the dog bowl. I replied, I didn’t know he did that.
←Rate | 08-27-2022 15:36 by Otis Comments (0)  

   messageicon I told my wife she has to embrace her mistakes. So she hugged me.
←Rate | 08-27-2022 15:35 by Otis Comments (0)  

   messageicon Soft tacos are just tiny burritos with a sun roof.
←Rate | 08-25-2022 07:56 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why’d they call it “The Empire Strikes Back” and not “Cool Hand, Luke”?
←Rate | 08-24-2022 10:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My girl said someone is trying to get into the house, should I call 911 ? I said no call 811. Why? Cause you always call miss Dig before digging a hole!
←Rate | 08-24-2022 10:28 by DJJIMBOFUNATANYBAR Comments (0)  

   messageicon If the employee parking lot is full, you should get to go back home.
←Rate | 08-23-2022 12:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you think you're having a bad day, just remember, someone is gonna have Snooki as their mom.
←Rate | 08-23-2022 10:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Back before Walmart, you used to have to buy a ticket to the fair to see a bearded woman.
←Rate | 08-23-2022 09:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Have you seen my thumb ring?" ~ my proctologist
←Rate | 08-23-2022 09:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon How many coworkers have to ask you "what's that pee smell" before you have to admit you're wearing a new cologne?
←Rate | 08-23-2022 09:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. The judge says, "First offender?" She says, No, first a Gibson, then a Fender
←Rate | 08-23-2022 09:57 Comments (0)  

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