Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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Page: 6 of 6153

   messageicon Glass coffins, will they be popular? Remains to be seen.
←Rate | 09-05-2021 03:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The dimmer brat party has changed. I know, I was one. Until Obama and Biden started all this BS we’re dealing with now. Miss Trump yet?
←Rate | 09-04-2021 20:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Amber Alert!! White Male, 70-something yrs old, acts like a 10-year old child, has a stripper for a wife, thinks he won the 2020 election.
←Rate | 09-04-2021 11:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Technically, it's a Silver Alert. But yeah.
←Rate | 09-04-2021 11:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Biden created the most heavily armed terrorist nation in history.
←Rate | 09-04-2021 01:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I am whipped today.....My wife had me try three new positions in the bedroom last night. But she ended up wanting the dresser back where it was.
←Rate | 09-03-2021 10:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Don’t tell a lactose intolerant girl you’ll “rearrange her guts” you’re not doing anything to her a glass of milk can’t do
←Rate | 09-03-2021 10:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon million dollar idea: worm dehorser
←Rate | 09-03-2021 08:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My goal was to have $10,000 saved by the end of 2021. I’m already at $8.32
←Rate | 09-03-2021 08:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Yet another day of playing ‘Is it just allergies or should I prepare my will’
←Rate | 09-03-2021 08:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When people say they’re speechless I always hope they mean it but they usually keep talking
←Rate | 09-03-2021 08:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My milk crates bring all the boys to the yard, and they’re like “somebody call an ambulance!”.
←Rate | 09-03-2021 08:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon me: *opens one eye* I’m still awake spider: *removes leg from my mouth and backs away* sorry
←Rate | 09-03-2021 08:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Happy with my life but also open to the possibility of a crow picking me up like a french fry and carrying me away
←Rate | 09-03-2021 08:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don’t trust a restaurant that advertises “Now with more bacon!” because it means they were holding out on me to begin with.
←Rate | 09-03-2021 07:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Karate is a Japanese word that means "My kid can't hit a baseball."
←Rate | 09-02-2021 23:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Texas...where covid-19 has better reproduction rights than women.
←Rate | 09-02-2021 15:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Million Dollar Idea: Take the flood waters from the northeast and dump them on the fires in the west.
←Rate | 09-02-2021 11:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Leaving your 5yo home alone in Florida is nothing. You can even kill them there and get away with it.
←Rate | 09-02-2021 11:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Karate is just a violent way of making people smell your feet.
←Rate | 09-02-2021 09:23 Comments (0)  

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