Mickey Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon The meteorologist on the news gives the forecast then says, "People don't know the difference between weather and climate." Yes I do: "Oh look, a ladder I don't know weather I should walk under it or climate." See? Told you.
←Rate | 12-31-2012 16:22 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon When someone posts this: "Last year was wonderful....this year has been pretty awesome too! Can't stop smiling...bring it on!" It actually means: "I didn't do j@ck $hit."
←Rate | 01-01-2013 09:45 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon Groundhog Day and State of the Union address will occur on the same date. This is an ironic event. One involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to an insignificant creature of little intelligence. The other's a groundh
←Rate | 01-02-2013 13:31 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'd be concerned with making a concerted effort to not write '2012' on my checks if it wasn't 2013, and the fact that I haven't written an actual check in over 10 years.
←Rate | 01-03-2013 09:28 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon They should rename Hockey "H0nkey", 'cause it's one of the last major team sports still dominated by Caucasoids. Thank G0D.
←Rate | 01-03-2013 12:11 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon I never order a Happy Meal. I order three. And yes, I get the toy. I eat it for the fiber.
←Rate | 01-05-2013 19:45 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon Today's date officially marks the twelfth day of Christmas....So, except for the Nine Ladies Dancing, Eight Maids-a-Milking and the Five Golden Rings...it's all going back to Wal Mart. Especially that squawking, annoying, Partridge in a Pear Tree.
←Rate | 01-06-2013 07:59 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon I had a minute left on the car vac timer, so I vacuumed out my dandruff. If that isn't efficiency, I don't know what is.
←Rate | 01-06-2013 13:59 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon Beauty is directly correlated to 3D...Darkness, Distance, and Drunkedness.
←Rate | 01-08-2013 11:17 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon Okay, so I signed up for Missionary work. Here I sit in Uganda and still no sex. Sheesh!
←Rate | 01-09-2013 08:34 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon I told my hillbilly neighbor over and over, "You CAN'T go on someone's facebook page who lives in another country and type 'Dang foreigner!' in the comment box!"
←Rate | 01-09-2013 19:54 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon The new season of American Idol displays all the calculated, boring insignificance of every season that's preceded it.
←Rate | 01-16-2013 20:27 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why is everyone so down on Manti Te'o? When you get right down to it...all relationships are imaginary.
←Rate | 01-20-2013 00:58 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you use expressions such as: "My hubby ate four of the cupcakes I made...the little piggy!" Please delete from your friends list.
←Rate | 01-20-2013 07:16 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon Nicky Minaj is like Tang. She's dry, orange, and nobody actually likes her.
←Rate | 01-22-2013 10:38 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon Happy Hump Day means zip to the 15% who work weekends, the 30% who do six days a week, 8% unemployed, 10% disabled, 15% on call, and the 20% who are retired. To the 2% that this actually applies to....bl0w me.
←Rate | 01-23-2013 10:27 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon Here are my 4 favorite quotes: " " " "
←Rate | 01-28-2013 07:29 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I were Superman, I'd forget about Lex Luthor, and instead, beat the living $hit out of every a$$hole who's ever abused a child.
←Rate | 01-28-2013 08:07 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon Was it THAT wrong writing, "To my sweet little Butter Face" on my girlfriend's Birthday card?
←Rate | 01-28-2013 09:29 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon G0D has granted me the Midas Touch. So far today, everything I've touched has turned to gold. Wha? Oh. Heh heh. No more Cheetos for breakfast.
←Rate | 01-30-2013 05:56 by Mickey Comments (0)  

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