Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   not a PC and your commercials are getting on my nerves.

   As I sit I wonder is it illegal to park in a handicapped bathroom stahl?

   My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?' 'No,' she answered. I then said, 'Is that your final answer?' She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying 'Yes.' S

   I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous… everyone hasn't met me yet.

   a confused vas deferens, it doesnt know if its coming or going...

   saw his shadow today! Not really sure what this could mean as far as the duration of winter goes...but very excited about the possibilities. :)

   Our government is now blue/yellow. A bit like Ikea, except things from Ikea generally last 5 years

   So former NFL quarterback Brett Favre admitted this week that he suffers from memory loss. This might explain why he may have sent pictures and lewd texts to reporter Jen Sterger when he played for the Jets, he forgot he was married!

   So UM versus FSU game is on tonight....who cares...Im still rooting for the Referee and there stupid calls!! Team Referee...REFs 31 stupid calls to 3 right calls!

   It would have been symbolically more accurate if the Vikings still played in the metrodome considering they both collapsed under pressure........

   If I become President, I'm going to change the name of the Rocky Mountains to the Smokey Mountains since weed is legal over there.

   human skull found by Hollywood sign that of a female.... Mouth wide open.

   Went to the Cincinnati Zoo the other day and have to say the baby sitting service was lousy. Well I guess if you pay peanuts you get monkeys.

   Relationship status: "Yeah, we can totally go out, but first, I need you to take this short spelling test."

   Shaggy is playing in the world cup for Brazil as Fred.

   Why do some women wear panties with flowers on them?....."IN loving memorie of all those who died here?"

   It's my pain and I'll cry if I want to!

   Look officer, I'm a woman I answer to no one.

   Making bad decisions can be your thing too It's not limited to idiots only

   i wonder why all 3 insurance companies don't combine & call themselves "Alstate Farm Bureau"