Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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swears that my pillow must be a hair stylist because I wake up every morning with the weirdest hair dos 
it bad that everytime I see a blind person and their dog I want to honk like I'm about to hit them and see what they do?
HEIGHT OF INNOCENCE: Girl applying medicine to her nipples thinking they are pimples.
took you to dinner,a movie,then for drinks,get back to your house then tell me you have your period (・_・)ノ”(ノ_<)
ya know...i tried tap dancing once, but I had to give it up....i kept falling into the sink!
Ladys, can you PLEASE keep your dam toenails clipped, I'm tired of em scratching my dam ears!
Epic Fail # ur on a date and think you guys are having a moment and move in for the kiss and all you here from here mouth is...what are you doing?...lol
Black folks always run outta Gas because "E" means "Enough" to us.
Your parents ask you to do something and you tell them you'll do it in ten minutes but you never do it.....
When I bite into a Peppermint Patty..I get the sensation in my nipples and they point due south
Fantastic. I just took the wrong cold and sinus pill. How did I notice, you ask? I nearly banged my head against the desk.
Gay and Lesbo have sudenly become cool words since they are now "officially" endorsed by the President
Drinking and driving is twice the fun in the snow
Am I the only one who wants to have a heart attack when they hear people making that irritating throat scratch sound in their throats.?
I borrowed my friend a tenner yesterday. This morning I found pictures of myself on the frontpage of most national newspaper with the following headline 'UK's third biggest lender'!
I accidentally spilled Spot Remover on my dog... now he's gone :)
I just met a girl who was so hott she doesnt even poop!
Bet if donnie knew how to use the record feature on his phone. He would be recording too.
“Catch me outside, how about that?
National debt top $22 Trillion for the first time in US history! Recession, here we come! So much winning! 