Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Feeling like a slurpee? Go 4-7-11

   The rap song "Walk It Out" was inspired by a guy who was consoling his girlfriend after a hardcore night of rough sex.

   1. play a youtube video 2.pause it 3. hold left arrow for 3 seconds 4. then press up arrow while holding left arrow 5. play the snake game

   You can go to church and sing a hymn, you can judge me by the color of my skin, you can live a lie until you die, the one thing you can't hide, is when you're crippled inside.

   Do I have an iPhone? Dude my phone has snake on it, does that answer your question?

   When I fall down a public venue, "Did anyone see me" totally outranks "Am I ok" on the thought process.

   You can't be hot when you're asleep, especially when you're in a deep sleeping having a dream about making love to a Snowman!

   Let the fireworks begin!!!

   I like calling the man who kidnapped me and raised me my faux pa

   It sucks that Saturday is so close to Monday. But Monday is far away from Saturday.

   Well then you'll never be the girl your father is.

   I can tell how spicy a dish is just by tasting it...

   I keep putting things in the wrong containers in the kitchen. I don't think it's Alzheimers. That's a different kettle of fish...

   Surprise sex is the best way to wake up... unless you're in prison

   Marrying your high school sweetheart is gross.

   Ladies, if you ask a man to do something he'll do it. You don't have to keep reminding him every six months.

   God has send us all in pairs…someone…somewhere is made for u…so wait for the right time n right moment.

   You can't be poor and ugly. Choose one struggle.

   have you ever stood in front of the mirror and said to yourself "who the hell is this person? and then suddenly realize you're standing in front of a coffee shop window staring at a cop...

   Curiosity left earth so long ago it's using a Polaroid...