Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon My GF is eating tortilla chips. It sounds like she's eating glass shards and gravel.
←Rate | 06-17-2012 06:18 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If there's one thing Ripley taught me it was never trust a Droid - Team Apple
←Rate | 06-17-2012 13:01 by @daddybullfrog1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Our constantly changing mother earth....The original bi-polar.
←Rate | 06-26-2012 21:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My favorite exercise after a heavy meal is regret.
←Rate | 06-27-2012 05:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon MS Exchange Server Logon Failure: Your password will expire in 5 days. Do you want to change it now? -----Yes, the layoff/ downsizing list announcement is in 4 days.
←Rate | 06-29-2012 01:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The most disappointing conclusion you'll ever come to is finding out who you really are.
←Rate | 07-04-2012 22:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon " well The ghost writer of ghost rider is the ghost rider from ghost rider is the ghost writer from ghost rider."-nicholas cage when asked who writes his movies
←Rate | 07-09-2012 17:03 by gay jeffery Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's funny how so many expectant moms don't like it when I use the term "invading organism."
←Rate | 03-07-2012 10:09 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon inventing little nipples for your texting thumbs
←Rate | 03-14-2012 10:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I bet pyromaniacs were jonesing pretty bad before that first caveman figured out how to make fire.
←Rate | 03-15-2012 16:18 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon it's officially ok to fkk in the car cause it's March Madness, it's a holiday
←Rate | 03-16-2012 21:42 by milsfinest Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can prevent yourself from crying in any other situation by not being such a little b!tch.
←Rate | 03-17-2012 12:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't want a cow, I just wanna drink the milk.
←Rate | 03-26-2012 11:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ok, so I've got my petrol home. Now where am I supposed to store it all? The bath is already full of stamps and pasties.
←Rate | 03-29-2012 14:40 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  


   messageicon A wise man once said........ relationships are like jacking off.... no doubt, they're amazing.. but they always end in a mess.
←Rate | 04-04-2012 14:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was skeptical at first so I waited to see if the hype was true. And I'll have to say this was a good Friday....... 
←Rate | 04-06-2012 23:10 by @johncampbelll Comments (0)  


   messageicon What do you call the head of North Korea's failed rocket program ?.......The Deceased....!
←Rate | 04-13-2012 04:36 by Cole Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey cell phone companies.. Can I tell me where I can find 4g? Oh there is none? Cause 4g is really 3g jus like xfinity is comcast!
←Rate | 04-17-2012 13:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "If you focus only on yourself and neglect others, you will lose; but you will gain if you value others as much as you cherish yourself." - Dalai Lama
←Rate | 04-23-2012 13:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's gotten to the point where I can't get off unless they say "please pull forward to the first window"
←Rate | 05-03-2012 22:22 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  




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