Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
My GF is eating tortilla chips. It sounds like she's eating glass shards and gravel. 
If there's one thing Ripley taught me it was never trust a Droid - Team Apple
Our constantly changing mother earth....The original bi-polar.
My favorite exercise after a heavy meal is regret.
MS Exchange Server Logon Failure: Your password will expire in 5 days. Do you want to change it now? -----Yes, the layoff/ downsizing list announcement is in 4 days.
The most disappointing conclusion you'll ever come to is finding out who you really are.
" well The ghost writer of ghost rider is the ghost rider from ghost rider is the ghost writer from ghost rider."-nicholas cage when asked who writes his movies
It's funny how so many expectant moms don't like it when I use the term "invading organism."
inventing little nipples for your texting thumbs
I bet pyromaniacs were jonesing pretty bad before that first caveman figured out how to make fire.
it's officially ok to fkk in the car cause it's March Madness, it's a holiday
You can prevent yourself from crying in any other situation by not being such a little b!tch.
I don't want a cow, I just wanna drink the milk.
Ok, so I've got my petrol home. Now where am I supposed to store it all? The bath is already full of stamps and pasties.
A wise man once said........ relationships are like jacking off.... no doubt, they're amazing.. but they always end in a mess.
I was skeptical at first so I waited to see if the hype was true. And I'll have to say this was a good Friday.......
What do you call the head of North Korea's failed rocket program ?.......The Deceased....!
Hey cell phone companies.. Can I tell me where I can find 4g? Oh there is none? Cause 4g is really 3g jus like xfinity is comcast!
"If you focus only on yourself and neglect others, you will lose; but you will gain if you value others as much as you cherish yourself." - Dalai Lama
It's gotten to the point where I can't get off unless they say "please pull forward to the first window" 