Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   My EX GF asked me if we could talk about my internet addiction problem. I told her... "Not right now baby I am downloading P0RN!"

   All the sin around today just means more girls for me in Heaven!!

   a little shake .. a little tingle.. a little shake.. a little tingle.

   Did the math. Facebook is worth $100 billion and with 800 million users that puts the value of a life at $12.50. Never pay a hitman more.

   Hey kids, see that new sports car over there? Well your old man got a promotion today & got some new glasses so I also see the car. nice car

   How can you say Trump is like Hitler, did you fondle both of their genitals?

   Hmmm, I really would like to see some of you get punched in the nose at a Trump ralley

   come2 the j.oke.ca.fe for way better stuff

   You know its good sex when she stars screaming some other guys name.

   If you gonna tell me what to do, you should pay me for it. I dont do nothing for free.

   I have an eating disorder. It called not starving to death. . .

   After seeing the price of Gold drop I am now glad that I invested in weapons grade Plutonium.........ahhhh, I mean silver, yeah silver

   My heart's not broken; it's just under construction. Fines will be doubled.

   single and ready to m(ake chocolate cake and sob)ingle

   You know....I once dated an amputee....She single-handedly changed my life.

   "We find the defendant....right there, in the chair next to the defense attorney" "Good work jury, now its your turn to hide"

   Some people believe,we shouldn't say things that offend other people...Well...If my posts offend you then are intended, just for you..!

   Myspace: Died a couple of years ago. Facebook: In the hospital. Twitter: At the strip club throwing ones at the big booty hoes.

   I pooped the other day and called it Peter. That is the closest I have come to playing Call of Duty.

   I am convinced Judas was a woman...They can kill you with a smile or a kiss.